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What Do People Actually Do When They Have Sex?

BuzzFeed asked 50 people about the last time they had sex — and it wasn’t all P in the V, people. Extremely open, honest, and revealing answers ahead.

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Ever since we outgrew the base system, we've lost touch with what our peers and confidantes actually get up to when they get laid. Does "sex" exclusively mean vaginal penetration? Or does sleepily masturbating a few feet apart count too? And what do lesbians even do, anyway? In search of answers, BuzzFeed anonymously surveyed people of all ages, genders and sexualities. We asked them to describe the nitty-gritty of their last sexual encounter — however they define it — and to be completely honest.

Here's what they said.

1.

"I had sex with a guy I just started dating for the first time last week. It was great until we needed lube, which he didn't have. (Guys. You need lube. You are a grown-ass man who's had sex with other people. YOU NEED LUBE.) So we just took turns going down on each other — which, as a person who has gay sex way more frequently than straight sex, I enjoyed more than P-in-V.

Fingers OR tongues are way more dexterous than dicks, and also oral sex lasts waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay longer than 'regular' sex. More intense, focused pleasure over a longer period of time is always going to be a winner. I came twice and he came three times before I left the next morning."

—26/F/Bisexual

2.

"I have an inability to have 'normal' sex because of vaginal conditions that I have. My boyfriend and I have found so many ways around it. Just recently, I kneeled in front of him on the bed with my back to him while he caressed me until I came. And then I did the same for him. Some days, I will get on top of him and 'dry hump' until we both come (yes, this is possible), and other days he will get behind me and do the same. It's all about experimentation and finding out what works for the both of you."

—23/F/Straight

3.

"Lots of butt stuff and there was a German shepherd watching."

—35/M/Straight

4.

"Because the last person I had sex with was a girl I had just met, I'll start by saying something sort of obvious — it is often really hard for me to be intimate with someone new, especially with a woman where there are so many nuances and expectations as to what 'sex' even means to that person. I had a sexual partner once who defined 'sex' as anything penetrative, even though I've had some memorable sex with women where that didn't even come into play.

Anyway, the last time I had sex it was with a girl I didn't know very well. I'm extremely sensitive to someone directly touching my vagina — it's almost too much, or at least takes some time to work up to that — so we grinded mostly through our boxers (which is super underrated) and then I fingered her while she told me what she liked. She was much more into me touching her directly, but not necessarily my fingers being inside of her, which I think is sort of part of this mysterious fable of lesbian sex I had learned, that it was all about hours-long oral sex and like shoving your fingers inside of her.

I remember having a nice conversation afterward with her where we talked about what we liked — a conversation that has taken me a long time to be comfortable having."

—23/F/Queer

5.

"My boyfriend and I were pretty buzzed and happy. We threw off our clothes in a drunken manner and right before we started going at it, my boyfriend put on this olive-green bucket hat he'd bought earlier that day. I couldn't stop giggling — he just looked so adorable, sweet, and ridiculous. After a quick warm-up BJ, I got on top of him (our favorite position) and we giggled and made jokes throughout the entire time until we both 'gasmed and fell asleep shortly afterwards."

—23/F/Straight

6.

"I went to bed naked because I didn't feel like rummaging around for pajamas and my guy was sleeping. He figured out that I was naked after my alarm went off in the morning, then he went down on me. It's funny, I think it takes my sexy parts a while to wake up, even though my brain was into it, so I felt like it took a little bit longer than usual for me to orgasm. When I did, it was what people call 'squirting,' which is a word I really dislike — it's such an unattractive way to describe a nice feeling! There should be a better way to say it: vagaculating, maybe? Pleasure explosion? Ugh, it all sounds lame. Anyway, that was the segue into some missionary P & V and then he came not too long afterwards — a warm, loving, sexy start to the day."

—31/F/Straight

7.

"I gave my boyfriend a handy, which led to him giving me a handy, which led to him going down on me until I came (I can't come just from penetration). I took a breather (the boy's good) and then got him off with my mouth. This is kind of our preferred method — I finish every time, and without penetration I don't have to worry as much about UTIs, which I'm prone to."

—28/F/Bisexual

8.

"I turned over in bed to my 'friend' and asked him if he wanted to 'J.O.' He fingered himself and jerked off while I watched and did the same. The end."

—30/M/Gay

9.

"Joyous reunion after clitoral surgery with my husband of two years. It had been a couple of months and we were both afraid it wouldn't work anymore. It does.

Plenty of lube, couple of positions, multiples for me and a single for him. He always, always makes sure I get as many as I want."

—47/F/Heterosexual

10.

"Xhamster and a vibrator."

—44/F/Straight

11.

"My girlfriend was visiting, as we are doing the long-distance thing. I was working from home, but with it being her last day in town we were both quite distracted. Cuddling on the couch led to making out on the couch, which led to being naked in my bed (as it often does). We usually switch around and are super playful with who is 'on top' – because we are similar heights, we can both use our fingers for penetration at the same time. There was some handsy play; I'm a boob girl myself. We managed to finish pretty close to the same time and then we went right into a little mid-day nap...before I had to get back to work."

—24/F/Gay

12.

"Foreplay with my boyfriend primarily consists of me earnestly trying to be sexy and him cracking jokes in weird voices until I lose and laugh. Last night, this included him incorporating the word 'meow' into every sexy sentence he could think of: 'Meow love you, too'; 'What do you meown 'stop talking like that?' He also licked my nose. Like a cat.

It's sexier than it sounds."

—26/M/Gay

13.

"We finally went to my not-quite-a-boyfriend-yet's place — he has an in-room roommate, so we had to sleep in his other roommate's room. I was at the start of my period, so didn't want to have sex that night. In the morning, we couldn't resist, and had the most horrifyingly bloody penetrative sex ever, from behind, to try to keep the sheets clean. I've never shouted, "Just don't look! Close your eyes!' during sex before, ever."

—26/F/Straight-ish

14.

"I went home with a casual hookup buddy and made out for a long time. Usually I do a bit of foreplay with guys/go down on them, but he's European, and I've heard from my other European friends that giving a guy a blow job so soon in other countries will freak him out/signifies a very close relationship (and I don't know this guy super-well yet at all). He's a phenomenal kisser, though (also, him in tight boxer briefs is a gift from God), and we went straight for the sex, basically. I also usually need some lube but it's been working out fine and he has terrific rhythm/pacing. At one point, he pinned my arms back and tugged at my hair, which is a surefire way to get me off. It's been pretty basic sex for me so far (compared to what I usually do), but it's been very satisfying and we usually go for a few rounds when I'm at his place."

—23/F/Straight

15.

"Married since 1971 and lately savoring my husband's epic bod and virile member... Gentle, affectionate sex, and I get off on top! Stay the course 👍"

—65/F/Heterosexual

16.

"I had casual sex with my married ex-boyfriend. He doesn't sleep with his wife, so he goes long periods of time without coming. He went down on me first so I could orgasm, then entered me for about 30 seconds until climax[ing]. He's 10 years older than me and is looking into getting a cock ring so we can have longer periods of penetration."

—32/F/Straight

17.

"I went to the bathhouse, and the first guy who fucked me went too fast, used too little lube, and was kind of big, so it hurt a little, and he soon noticed that he made me bleed, so he just walked away without saying a word. A while later, another guy wanted to mess around, so I told him what had happened earlier, and he said he'd just eat my ass. He did, and that was good, but then he started fingering me, and quickly moved to several fingers, pushing hard, like he wanted to fist me. That sort of felt good, but I could still feel a slight sting from the previous guy, so I made him stop. I was unable to do anything with my ass for the rest of the night. What a disappointment!"

—37/M/Gay

18.

"We have a 2-year-old, so this was one of those opportunities. She had been dropped off somewhere earlier in the morning. Atypically, we were in a hotel room on our weekend vacation to the coast. After a shower, I went down on her for a while, then we had pretty uneventful P/V sex. Even though she's on birth control, I pulled out and came on her tummy for kicks — 6/10, could have put more effort into it, but worth it. The walls were thin, so I suspect someone might have heard us."

—36/M/Straight

19.

"Met a guy from Craigslist and made out, mutual oral, then I bottomed for him."

—34/M/Gay

20.

"I'm single, and a sex worker, so most of my sex is at work these days. Last session was with a new client who turned out to be a rare 'nearly perfect chemistry' match! And smart, and beautiful, and good at sex! Oral, cowgirl: first with him doing all the work, then I took over. Collapsed in a snugly pile and talked life, the universe, and everything."

—43/F/Bisexual

21.

"My boyfriend pounded out my booty...and good."

—27/M/Gay

22.

"I met up with a 19-year-old guy I 'met' on an internet-enabled communication system (not specifically designed for hookups) who wanted to give his first blow job to an 'older guy.' I picked him up in my car and we drove to a not-so-well-lit street where blow jobs rained down like we were in the audience of Oprah during blow job week. 'You get an orgasm! And you get an orgasm! And YOU get an orgasm! EVERYBODY GETS AN ORGASM!!'"

—44/M/Bisexual

23.

"This morning I woke my boyfriend up by putting his cock in a leather bag lined with tiny poke-y spikes. After a bit of gentle penis massage (under much protest), I removed the bag and then gave his super-sensitive cock a blow job. He says the pain was delicious, and so was the cum I deposited in his mouth."

—33/F/Heterosexual

24.

"My last encounter was also the first time getting down with the guy I just started dating, so we are just getting to know each other sexually. I have had a mastectomy and reconstruction because of breast cancer, so he spent a lot of time playing with my tits and getting used to how they feel different for me and for him. We have a very playful dynamic, and he's less experienced than I am, so we spent about four hours making out, talking, exploring, goofing around, and getting each other off with mouths and hands."

—38/F/Bisexual

25.

"Woke up with my girlfriend, late on Saturday morning. Made brunch at home and went back to bed with bellies full of food.

Woke up 45 minutes later with raging wood, her ass rubbing against me. She climbed on top for about 10 minutes, after which I rolled her onto her back and went down on her until she came twice. She rolled into her stomach, I climbed on top, and I came like Mt. Vesuvius."

—47/M/Straight

26.

"Sex with male. Included oral, vaginal, and some anal play."

—39/F/Queer

27.

"My ex-girlfriend, who is an alcoholic, texted me 'help,' followed by stuff like 'ahdk' or 'dgaha,' so in a panic I searched all over the neighborhood for her. I finally found her and brought her back to my place. I was so mad that I didn't want to have sex even, but she is super-aggressive when she is belligerent. We fucked on my couch for a while. She gets off on having her hands and arms restrained, but I didn't use any ropes this time. I finished off by bending her legs back until her feet were touching her head with her ass in the air. Then I came all over face as always. She then sucked me completely dry."

—30/M/Straight

28.

"Jerked off to online porn."

—55/M/Straight

29.

"With partner of almost four years. Haven't had sex much lately because of intense stress/busy jobs. Completely amazing sex, like we couldn't get close enough to each other — felt completely perfect and connected and worry-free afterwards. We lay in the dark and listened to music in each other's arms."

—27/F/Mostly straight

30.

"My wife and I exchanged a back rub for sex. First I went down on her, then she went down on me, then we fucked in various positions on our couch, culminating in doggy-style fucking while staring out the window and moaning. After taking a break for urination, we returned to fooling around with her licking my balls and talking dirty until I was near climax. I then pulled her on top of me and came inside her. We then put on a sitcom on Netflix, and I rubbed her back for 25–35 minutes while we talked and laughed."

—34/M/Straight

31.

"Burying a nice thick, long cock down my throat."

—51/M/Gay

32.

"My husband and I had spent the last two nights apart due to busy work schedules. When I was the last to come home late at night, I was bummed to see he had gone to bed. I slowly settled in at home, depressed, thinking he he was asleep. After several minutes of moping around the house, I peeked into the bedroom and saw his sexy bare ass was presented. He had been waiting patiently for me to come in the bedroom and fuck him, which was even more of a surprise because 90% of the time I bottom for him."

—34/M/Gay

33.

"I'm a big fan of hands and what they do. My last sexy-time session was a morning mutual hand job in bed with a guy I've been casually seeing for a few months and had spent the night with.

Not gonna lie —hand jobs, massage, mutual masturbation — I prefer all of these things to anal sex."

—29/M/Gay

34.

"New woman I've met. Second date. She spent the night. The sex was amazing. We both orgasmed multiple times in multiple positions. Lots of oral. Lots of penetration. A little bit of ass play."

—48/M/Straight

35.

"The husband gave me a blow job while he jacked off. He got off faster than I did, so I finished myself off and shot it on top of him."

—42/M/Gay

36.

"My wife and I were at the cabin for the weekend and she made me come with her hand while pressing herself against me."

—38/F/Lesbian

37.

"The guy I've been fucking and I are both coming down off MDMA, and me off coke and meth, so everything felt amazing even though he couldn't come. His dick is too big for me, so it always hurts at first. We ended by cuddling with him still inside me."

—32/F/Pansexual

38.

"My ex came over on Valentine's Day, and we knew we shouldn't sleep together (we're trying to break things off), but we did anyway and it felt great. He was watching me while he was in the cold shower because it was like 100 degrees in Tucson, until he couldn't stand it anymore and kissed me all the way to the bed."

—20/F/Pansexual

39.

"My husband and I on the living room couch. Side-by-side mutual masturbation, til we nearly came. I climbed on top while we gave each other oral. We finished with me on top and finished with a bit of cuddling. Very satisfying!"

—48/F/Straight

40.

"With my boyfriend. In bed. He went down on me for 20 mins or so, then P-in-V with me on top, then reverse cowgirl, then doggy-style."

—38/F/Queer

41.

"My last sexual encounter was at a hot-tub place with a (female) friend of mine. It was actually pretty awesome. Warm water, hot sex, and a cold shower needed afterwards. I certainly enjoyed it."

—26/M/Straight

42.

"I don't remember it but was informed that it happened the next morning with a slap in the face after asking, 'Did we have sex last night?'"

—25/M/Straight

43.

"Played Cards Against Humanity at my friend's house. Decided to stay the night, then, after all had gone to sleep, my girlfriend snuck into the kitchen and grabbed a suitable 'appliance' to place into her anus while we engaged in regular missionary sex. Nothing too outlandish, but fun considering that we were not in our own space."

—50/M/Straight

44.

"Last night my husband and I made love even though he has a cold :( What a trooper!"

—31/F/Straight

45.

"My boyfriend and I were getting ready to leave the house. I put my hand on his crotch area, sort of jokingly, and then we started making out. He threw me on the bed and started eating me out. He made me finish twice, then he started fucking me. Then he stopped and really studiously played with my vagina, while jacking off. Then he came on my pussy. We don't use condoms, as we are monogamous and disease-free and I'm on the IUD."

—28/F/Straight

46.

"Halloween. I came with a guy I was dating. I knew another guy I fool around with would be there, and he was. He had a girl with him. While we were outside having a cigarette, he started telling me about how this was the girl he'd been wanting us to fool around with, and how submissive she was. He wanted for the three of us to go back to my place together so we could both 'dom' her. I said I couldn't leave this guy I brought because we had come together and he said, 'Hell, invite him!' I did, he said yes, so we went back to my place.

The four of us fucked in all of the ways. She went down on me while he coached her, she sucked my date off, I watched him fuck her while my guy went down on me. The best part was when I was sitting on her face and sucking my guy's dick. I water-boarded her right then and there (I squirted. On her face.) But I'm a nice girl, so when it was all over I apologized."

—34/F/Bisexual

47.

"My last sexual encounter was at a party with a few other guys, about 19–24, who'd come for drinks and to fool around. They were twinks and jocks, mostly who'd met online. I sucked off a few of them and they all fucked me."

—32/M/Gay

48.

"I went to my friend's house just to hang out and watch Netflix and funny YouTube videos and later in the night we had sex and watched more Netflix and YouTube videos."

—23/M/Gay

49.

"I recently hooked up with a hot Scottish friend. After a couple drinks at his place (Scotch, of course), one thing led to another and we ended up naked and making out passionately in bed. He topped me, and while I came twice, he was a 'multiple finisher' and ended up orgasming five times in our one extended sex session. One of the hottest fucks I've ever had!"

—35/M/Gay

50.

"My boyfriend and I are playfully competitive, so sometimes (like when I'm on my period and penetrative sex is too much to deal with) we race to see who can orgasm first. This usually consists of one of us straddling the other and then taking matters into our own hands, if you will. There's also a lot of making out and trash-talking, and it almost always ends in a tie. It's fun! Try it!"

—25/F/Straight

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