1. Remember that nothing is truly permanent:
2. Try singing a song that makes you feel empowered – at the top of your lungs:
3. Use a powerful quote:
"It's silly, but after I was brutally dumped, my friend texted me a Max Ehrmann quote, 'And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should' — and I wrote it on a Post-it note and kept it in my pocket for a really long time. I knew my heart was healing when I forgot about the note long enough to accidentally put it through the wash with my jeans."
4. Try out the baby penguin trick:
5. Use the "penduluming" theory:
"My best friend and I have developed this theory, which usually bubbles up after breakups, that we call penduluming. Basically it's the idea that we are always correcting for things that didn't work in the past — so say you date someone who's closed off and uncommunicative, chances are the next time around your secret inner lizard brain will be looking for someone who's very talkative."
"Of course, this doesn't really ~solve~ anything, since the odds are some new type of problem will crop up (or the thing you thought you wanted doesn't actually turn out to be the case). But as you swing back and forth between these poles, the needle starts to move toward some center. I don't think you ever truly GET there, but it's the act of always working, always hoping, that gives you the real power. Master of your own fate, et cetera."
6. Think of that person, formerly known as your significant other, at their lowest:
7. Use your broken self:
"There is something s̶p̶e̶c̶i̶a̶l̶ horrifying about the emotional state you're in when going through a breakup: You're a pulverized, raw, garbage ball of feelings. My best advice is: USE IT. If your thing is writing, write the hell out of it; if your thing is dancing or tightrope walking or making a ton of money (lol) — do that thing. In those moments when you're up in the middle of the night feeling like you're being murdered in real time and can't sleep, you can take that energy to the page or to the piano or to the...whatever it is you do. Frequently, whatever comes out of that effort is a very direct representation of your cloudy, miserable mental state. But it's also incredibly freeing to get the feelings ~out~.
One vital caveat: Do not do whatever it is at the person. Write a letter but don't send it. Sing a song, but don't put their name in it and share it with all your Facebook friends.
8. Obliterate the memory and give it time:
9. Use the power of music:
10. Look out for No. 1:
11. Use these three simple rules:
"1) Lean into your friends, family, and people who love you.
2) Be ACTIVE. When my heart was broken, I started swimming, running, hiking, and rock climbing. It felt amazing to know that my body was still capable of moving, functioning, and remaining strong. I loved savoring each stroke and step. I'd tell myself: I'm blessed to have arms to hold things, hands to grasp, legs to move, and feet to stand on.
3) Get out! A broken heart can be debilitating, and I sometimes felt too weak/sad to make plans or be around people. But being with people was crucial to my healing. While it's important to have time to mourn, getting out reminded me that there was still a big, bustling, adventurous world beyond myself. It encouraged me to press forward and focus on everything I had versus everything I didn't have."
12. Listen to your dad:
"My dad always said, 'If it's meant to be, it will be.' So if you're having second thoughts about a breakup, don't cave in and be weak. Even though it's not working right now, maybe years later you'll cross paths again. You have to figure your own self out now, and you can't do that while you're ass deep in an unhealthy relationship. Unfortunately, you may not know how bad it is until it's over. Like really over. You'll find clarity being alone, and that's when you'll thrive. You can't force things or make someone love you. If it's meant to be, it will be."
13. And, listen to your mom too:
"I went through my roughest heartbreak a couple years ago. I showed up in the fetal position to my sister's home where she had the sisterly duty of getting me back on my feet. When it first happened my mom kept repeating this stupid phrase to me, 'When one door closes, another door opens.' It actually really bothered me at the time, but then again, everything really bothers me when I'm heartbroken. But now, I think about this phrase all the time. After the breakup I got to move across the country, live in New York City, be in the lives of my nieces and nephew, make new friends, and land a dream job in a field I love! So it IS true.
I would also say that it's OK to feel sad and shitty and heartbroken. It was those feelings of heartache, betrayal, and loneliness that shaped how I feel about love and dating today. It gave me perspective on what is actually important in my life. So BE SAD, EAT ALL THE ICE CREAM, and start to embrace the new life you just got."
14. Hold your head up, seriously:
15. Eat cold lasagna in your bed and wait for that "aha" moment:
16. Separate yourself, mentally and physically, from that person:
17. Use all your resources:
"The best human advice I got was from a friend, who took the time to write me an email that instigated the rest of my life. She said that even though it didn't feel like it, I now had the opportunity to choose any bubble and get into it. And so I floated off to a different city and never looked back.
The best non-human advice was science. That was after googling anything to make myself feel better that I wasn't the only one who was having crying spells and worries I would never make it out of the sad, twisty rabbit hole. Knowing that looking at pictures of an ex was the brain equivalent of cocaine, for instance, helped me classify it as a drug and cut out the addiction. Learning the line between love and hate was thinner than a hair allowed me to do both in equal waves afterward without feeling guilty. Finding out that feeling like I had been socked in the heart was natural but would go away with time gave me hope.
But mostly knowing people who had been broken for a lifetime after a devastating breakup was what kept me going: I didn't want to dedicate my entire life to ghosts and what wasn't, but rather what could be."
18. Immerse yourself in cinema:
19. Remember what's important:
20. Do things IRL:
21. Do something challenging you've always thought you should do:
"I went to culinary school when I was so heartbroken it felt like a physical illness. That helped.
Do not talk to the person that broke your heart. Do not look at his or her internet presence on any platform or in any form. Block that shit.
Do your best not to talk to and/or follow his or her friends online, get rid of them for a couple months, even if they are your friends; they will understand that you need some space and you do and you will stay friends with them if it is meant to be but the truth is you probably have lots of friends that won't remind you of your heartbreak that love you whom it will be great to spend a little more time with anyway.
If you get to a place where you feel embarrassed because you still need to talk to someone about your feelings about him or her, but you feel like a burden to your friends or are too embarrassed to keep talking to your friends about it, consider seeing a therapist and don't be embarrassed. It's important to talk until you are healed and that can take a while."
