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24 Things People Wish They'd Learned About Sex A Whole Lot Sooner

"'OK, fine' isn't consent."

We asked the BuzzFeed Community to share the things they wish they'd learned about sex a whole lot sooner. Here's the information that should be required in every sex ed class:

1. "Size does matter, just not in the way we're made to believe."

"Every woman’s vaginal canal is different. A large penis for a woman with a shorter canal will most likely just cause pain and discomfort and penetrative sex will never be enjoyable."


2. "That it's OK to not think about sex all the time."

"And that virginity doesn't define you. I was 24 when I lost it, and it was because I was tired of the stigma behind it. I also didn't enjoy having sex but enjoyed masturbating. Society puts so much emphasis on having sex and being sexual, and those of us who really couldn't care less are made to feel like a pariah."


3. "As a woman, you may not orgasm from penetration, and that’s OK."

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"It’s pretty common, but you don’t have to give up on it either. Try different positions, toys, etc. Your pleasure is important and it’s not just about the penis."


4. "Pee after sex."

"GIRL. Ignore every movie you’ve ever seen. They are an abundance of lies. Pee after sex, or you’re potentially looking at a UTI, and they’re just so incredibly unpleasant. I used to get them all the time until a doctor finally asked me if I was using the bathroom after sex to get rid of bacteria. I literally had no idea."


5. "'OK, fine' isn't consent."

"Giving in to sex because someone won’t stop badgering you or gets mad at you is still a violation."


6. "That sometimes, the best parts are when you and your partner accidentally fart or do something else embarrassing."

"When you start sharing bodies, sometimes they do bodily things. Then you laugh about it and choose to accept each other anyways. True intimacy."


7. "Saying 'no' is OK. Saying 'yes' is OK. Asking for what you want and like is OK. Saying no to something you don't want to do is OK."


"Sex can be so amazing when both parties are respected and taken into account. Sex can also be awful if you feel pressured or disrespected. Sex can be incredibly empowering and it can be the complete opposite. Listen to your body and mind.

There's no 'right way' to have sex. You're not frigid if there's something you don't want to try, you're not 'easy' or 'a slut' if you're experimental."


8. "Orgasms do not equal love or even consent."

"Sometimes, our nerves just respond, and it means absolutely nothing besides having functioning nerves. So no, that orgasm in itself is not a sign that the person who you had it with is The Right One For You. Nor is it a sign that you actually wanted it, after all, even if you said no, and it doesn't negate your no."


9. "That having a 'too tight' vagina is a thing."

"I thought that sex was just supposed to hurt and it was normal that I couldn't put in a tampon until I lost my virginity. I now visit a physical therapist weekly who has to work on loosening my pelvic floor. Teens need to notice signs soon, such as not being able to insert a tampon, and get the proper treatment!"


10. "You shouldn't feel forced to have sex as a teenager because everyone else is doing it and it's 'normal.'"

"Plenty of adults lose their virginity during their thirties, later, or even never, and thats totally normal! You should just do it whenever you and whoever you consent with are ready!"


11. "We need to normalize lube."

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"In a world of WAPs and 'squirters,' there's a belief that women (or people with vaginas) will always produce a sufficient amount of natural lubrication for sex. I wish I knew early on that isn't always the case and there's nothing wrong with supplementing with lube."


12. "Penetrative sex doesn't have to be the endgame."

"As a young gay, I started avoiding sex because I didn’t/don’t particularly like anal sex. You can have an equally enjoyable and satisfying sex life doing other things."


13. "Asexuality is real, and also a spectrum."

"It’s completely fine to not feel sexual attraction towards anyone, but still enjoy masturbation and get horny just because."


14. "Your hymen may not break properly, and some women need surgery to remove it."

"I had what’s called a 'septate hymen,' meaning there was a small piece of tissue that didn’t break that created two small holes. Sex was super painful, but I was afraid to say anything until my doctor found it during an exam and blatantly asked if I had issues with sex. I was just surprised I had never heard of it before."


15. "That masturbation is OK!"


"And it's not just OK, it's normal, fun, a great stress reliever, and helps you understand yourself. For years, I thought it was so shameful and that I was the only one doing it!"


16. "You don't need to wait to get a 'hot body' before having sex."

"Your partner doesn't notice your body flaws as much as you do. In the moment, they don't really care, and often, you'll find that you don't either."


17. "That it's such a relief not giving a fuck about the taboo of anal penetration for straight men."


18. "As a gay man, I wish I would have known that sometimes when you have penetrative sex, shit happens."



19. "That squirting is a thing."


"I lived in shame for years and refused to orgasm with guys because I thought I was peeing!"


20. "Sometimes, getting/staying hard is 'harder' than you might think!"

"Even sober, there are times that it just isn’t happening. On TV, they make it seem like dudes are ready and able to jump in at a moment's notice. Sometimes, we also aren’t in the mood and it’s not going to work."


21. "The importance of NOT faking an orgasm."

"You're not doing yourself or your partner any favors by faking it! Be honest and you'll both find what you like a lot faster."


22. "That, for me at least, different kinds of orgasms feel different."

"I expected them to all feel the same, but I realized they didn't and I was coming a lot more than I thought I was!"


23. "We need to redefine 'virginity.'"

"It’s not something you lose, and should be considered more of a sexual debut, with penetrative sex not being the typical act where one loses their virginity. It should be whatever you define it as. The term 'virginity' is oppressive and restrictive."


24. And, "Sex is not porn."


"It's not a fantasy show that's always rough and dirty. It's corny, but it really is about your connection to someone. Not that no-strings sex is bad, but even that isn't porn-like. I wish I didn't grow up thinking I had to make my partner scream like they do in porn, not to mention size comparisons."


What do you wish you'd learned about sex sooner? Share it in the comments below! And be sure to follow the BuzzFeed Community on Facebook and Twitter.

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