Had to explain to others how to pronounce your name.Given up on it and told them your daak naam.Had to explain the disconnect between your name and daak naam.Called all random elder males "kaku".Called all random elder ladies "kakima" or "aunty".Called your dad "baba".Owned a kolbaalish.Felt anxious at night because your kolbaalish wasn't there.Been called a "chhagoler bachcha" in your youth.Or a "gorur bachcha", for that matter.Straight up been asked if you're a "manush" or a "goru".Feared being whacked by mom's khunti as a child.Or getting beat with a hawai sandal purchased from Bata.Pronounced "it" as "eet".Pronounced Saurav as "Shourob" (<3 u Dada).Called a kettle a "ketlee".Called a biscuit a "biscoot".Played hours of Ludo with the fam.Had a cabinet full of showpieces and trophies at home.Been told that you're skinny, although you're bursting at the seams.Been told that you're tall, although you're like, 5'4'' at most.Been sent on a paan run by an aunty visiting your house.Cluelessly asked for some "mitha patti" from the paan store.Devoured shutki maach and bhaat, despite the tears.Had SUPER yellow hands from eating gallons of torkaari.Had a myriad of colourful boxes reused as rice containers in the house.Learnt a musical instrument. Almost always the acoustic guitar.Taken part in a recitation/elocution competition and ACED it.Been asked to sing some Rabindra Sangeet at a family gathering.Debated whether it's Rabindranath "Tagore" or "Thakur".Debated whether roshogolla is better with or without the rosh.Debated why Saurav Ganguly is better than Sachin.Disappointed your parents with a 90+ score in an exam.Made your parents proud by naming five types of fish preparations.Worked out for two weeks to look fantastic during Durga Puja.Pigged out on mutton chops the moment you entered the puja pandal.Tried doing the "ulululululu" like a fully grown Bengali aunty.Got mad when someone called a "phuchka" by any other name.Battled through boxes of fish to find the ice cream in the freezer.Got deliriously happy when mom made maangsher jhol.Got deliriously angry when someone took the leg piece.Had most meals with some kacha lonka.Or straight up doused that meal in good ol' kashundi.Started daydreaming about jhaal muri.Taken a "quick" afternoon nap after a post-lunch food coma.Wondered whether a Bengali should like cricket or football more.Played cricket with your friends in the paara.Begrudgingly retrieved the ball after it fell into the naala.Presented detailed arguments as to why Netaji is still alive and kicking.Presented equally detailed arguments to support the inclusion of potato in biryani.
How Many Things Can You Check On The Most Bengali Checklist Of All Time?
You haven't an ounce of Bengali-ness in you. Did you get here by mistake?
You're kiiind of Bengali, but far from the best Bengali you could be. Use this checklist as inspiration – a Bengali bucket list if you will. Go out there, eat some more jhaal muri, and try again.
You've got a fair amount of Bengali in you. Thankfully, you know it's phuchka and not goddamn pani puri or golgappa. Keep those kacha lonkas coming. You're doing great.
You've been made to sing Rabindra Sangeet at a family function, and you OWNED THAT stuff. You're wayyy more Bengali than others, which is awesome. Wear your Bengali badge with pride. And lyadh.
You're such a flawless Bengali specimen, Saurav Ganguly should call you on to his "Dadagiri" game show. You'd ace that quiz, btw. Because very few people are as Bengali as you.