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35 Things People Wish They Knew Before Moving In With A Significant Other

Having two different blankets probably isn't a bad idea.

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We asked the members of the BuzzFeed Community to share what they wish they had known before moving in with a significant other. Here’s what they had to say:

1. Make sure you're moving in together for the right reasons.

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"Don’t move in together as a last ditch effort to salvage a rocky relationship or because you’ve been together a certain number of years and you feel you 'should.' Feeling pressured is a sign that you should do the opposite!"


2. ...and that you ask the big questions and know each other's long-term goals.

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"Discuss your finances. Can you two handle it if something unfortunate happens? This requires a very frank look at yourself and how you cope with the pressure of your debts. If you lose your job or want to go back to school is your S.O. going to be resentful that you guys have to live off of ramen?"


3. Understand that moving in together doesn't guarantee that you're both thinking about engagement.

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"Realize that even if you’ve discussed getting married, moving in together isn’t a guarantee that he will propose. Shit happens and feelings change."



4. You may fight more at first and that is TOTALLY normal.

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"No matter what, you are going to fight. But all relationships have conflict, and how you solve it is what will keep your love strong. We fight more than we did living apart, but that is ok. It is easy to yell and be hurt, but it takes maturity to realize when you have done something wrong and acknowledge it."


5. Having two different blankets probably isn't a bad idea.

"My fiancé and I have a king bed but we still struggled over covers at night. Now we both have our own that we can both cuddle under at first; then when it eventually gets too hot we can separate and still have our own covers. He hasn’t stolen mine in over two years now!"


6. You have to be up front with your S.O. about personal issues, especially finances, because they ARE going to find out.

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"If you feel that you are ready to move in with someone, then you need to be ready to be honest about things, like finances and health issues. Always be honest and open with your partner because problems are only exacerbated if they find out on their own. I have had my fair share of issues, ranging from financial problems from a low-paying job, to trying to hide mental health issues (due to embarrassment) from my partner. But if someone truly cares for you, then they will stick by you through thick and thin."

—Megan Nicole, Facebook

7. Consider opening a joint bank account and splitting the bills evenly.

"You each add the same amount of money from every paycheck and use this account to pay bills, buy groceries, cleaning supplies, etc. All of the awkward fights over finances can be skipped. You'll never have that awkward 'I spent $35 on groceries yesterday, so it's your turn to order food tonight' conversation — you both can happily stuff your faces with Chinese food knowing everything is even."

—Rachel Butts, Facebook


8. Don't be afraid to ask for space when you need some time to cool down.

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"Just because you are living together doesn't mean you have to spend every moment on top of each other. You can just enjoy a TV program by yourself, or cook dinner alone, or enjoy some solo video game/computer time. A lot of the fights my husband and I had when we first moved in together were because we were mad at other people/situations, but ended up taking it out on each other because we didn't have space to decompress alone."

—Cate Flanagan, Facebook

9. But make sure your S.O. knows it's really just some space. / Via Instagram: @porkyy0209

"Discuss when and how you will communicate that you need alone time. Nothing is worse than one person feeling rejected and the other one feeling overwhelmed."

—Staci Myer-Klein, Facebook

10. Never forget to thank them for all the things that they do.

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"You see your significant other washing dishes? Say thank you. They took out the trash? Say thank you. Say it and mean it. It's something so simple, but feeling unappreciated is one of the worst feelings and can lead to big fights."

—Samantha Schwerin, Facebook

11. Remember that your S.O. can't read your mind. Don't assume they know what you're thinking.

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"If you don't mention how him leaving his shoes by the bed always trips you up or how her hairs clogging the bathtub destroy your shower peace, nothing will get fixed. But also, don't just yell at the person or nag. Learn how to discuss problems calmly and collaborate to work on things together."

—Larissa Norris Taylor, Facebook


12. And make sure you truly listen and are open to compromising on things.

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"You're also going to need to compromise at some point, and that's fine. Imagine if you were living with anyone else (a roommate, a friend you weren't 'dating,' etc.) — you would expect to compromise on furniture and cleaning decisions with them. So why not with your S.O.?"

—Chelsea Stephens, Facebook

14. Get all your pet peeves out on the table ahead of time.

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"Talk about each other's pet peeves early. You don't want to start a huge fight because you're tired of finding dirty, balled-up socks under the couch."

—Isabella Samantha Rodriquez, Facebook


16. Learn to accept what annoys you and understand that you can't change someone.

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"There are going to be some things that annoy the shit out of you. Maybe he doesn’t put dishes in the sink when he’s done. Maybe she will put empty packages back in the pantry. They may never grow out of it and you won’t be able to prod it out of them. Accept it if it’s something you can, or realize you may not be compatible."


17. Talk about your standards for what "clean" is, and figure out a plan for how things around the house will get done.

"Some people just don’t think that you need to wipe down your ceiling fan every week, when others think that it's a weekly must. Figure out those standards early and you’ll find it easier to compromise. Like if person A thinks the fan needs daily cleaning, maybe they should be in charge of the fan while person B cleans out the refrigerator, etc."


18. And while it may be frustrating, don't expect things to always be 50-50.

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"Sometimes you will be doing more around the house, sometimes your spouse will be. That's life, and having the expectation that someone should always be pulling 'their weight' 365 days a year is not realistic. Just be patient and if the scales get too far tilted than what you're comfortable with, then communicate. I assure you, passive-aggressively leaving the dishes in the sink for a week straight will always lead to a fight."

—Adrian Marie Friauf-Evans, Facebook

19. Map out your schedules so that you can both stick to your routines in peace.

"Figure out a bathroom schedule if you only have one bathroom. We fought all the time getting ready in the mornings."

—Corinne Marie, Facebook


21. Accept that the ~gross~ stuff is no longer going to be a secret and invest in nice-scented things.

"Get a poop candle, poo-pourri, wax warmer, or something of the sort. Because let’s be honest... we all poop and it does not smell like roses."


Get the Poo-pourri here for $10, and the aromatherapy candle here for $8.

22. Set aside a time to talk about things, instead of unexpectedly unloading it on them.

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"If you want to talk, give it a 'time.' My husband hates it when I have something peeving me, and he walks in the door from work and the first words out of my mouth are complaints. Ask 'When can we talk about ___.'"

—Caitlyn Ssennyange, Facebook

23. Remember that it's completely okay to continue having a personal life.

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"My biggest advice is have a life outside of the relationship (e.g., friends, co-workers, hobbies, separate gym, days that are separate from your spouse). Though my boyfriend and I share a lot of the same friends and interests, I try to maintain my own identity and my own social life. I enjoy riding my bike, running, working out, shopping, hanging with the girls, and when I come home at the end of the day, I get to see the love of my life smiling and happy to see me."

—Kaylee Moore, Facebook


24. But don't stop dating each other.

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"It can be really easy to become wrapped up in an everyday routine once you start living together (work/school, home, dinner, Netflix, bed, repeat). Once you learn all of your partner's 'lovely' habits, and financial and household duties become part of your relationship, making a conscious effort to keep the romance alive is essential."


25. And don't lose the things that make you YOU.


"Don’t lose yourself. Its easy to forget about all the little things that make you you while you’re building your new life together in your shared dwellings. Don't pack away the paint set because you think it's in his way or the knitting needles because you’re worried it will take time away from your S.O. Still make time for doing what YOU love."


26. Don't compare your experiences to other couples' experiences.

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"Just remember that your 'normal' isn’t everyone else’s 'normal.' No matter how compatible and harmonious your relationship is, learning to live together is a process."


27. Make sure you still have your own space to go to when you need it.

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"Set up your own space, even if it's a little desk in the corner, a sewing/knitting nook, or a special spot on the sofa. Too often the honeymoon phase wears off and you're sick of seeing each other. When you have your own space, you can say 'it's me time', and immerse yourself in your own identity."

—Sunshine Then, Facebook


28. If you can, opt for a place with more rooms.

"I wish I realized how important it is to have a cool-off space. Our first apartment was a studio and I’d have to storm into the bathroom during fights, which wasn’t comfortable. Go for the one bedroom if you can! We are so much happier now because of it."


29. And if it's possible, try to find a new place together, instead of moving into either your or your S.O.'s space.

"It would cut down on the often unrealized territorial feelings that can come out when you are suddenly sharing a space that you’re used to having all to yourself. Plus, in a new space you both get to have a say on what goes where, and the conversation about habits/preferences just seem to come up naturally!"


30. Or if one person is moving into the other's space, make an effort to make it both of yours.

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"Make sure to make a tremendous effort to allow the one moving in to make it their home too. Be open to moving furniture and rearranging things. Don’t just give them a shelf or a side of the closet. Move the couch, have them decide on what goes in the extra room or on the walls. And for goodness' sake, don’t refer to your now shared space as 'my house.' That doesn’t go over well."


31. Don't trivialize the things your partner wants.

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"When it comes to the fun part of decorating your shared space, be careful not to trivialize what your partner wants. So what if they wants their Ghostbusters poster in the living room? You’ve got to be respectful of their wants too. No matter how stupid it may seem to you."



32. It could help to do a test run.

"I 'lived' with my boyfriend for a few weeks before we rented our own apartment. I brought most of my clothes, did laundry there, and even got to experience him pooping with the door open. We got to see what habits bothered us and had a chance to fix them before moving in and avoided a lot of fights."


33. Before a difficult discussion, always remember what you love about the person, why you cherish the relationship, and how your life is better with them in it.

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"Let your love for each other motivate you to make an effort and compromise within reason. It's not easy, but my husband and I manage to end every discussion/argument/fight with connecting on how we don't want to fight, and acknowledging we chose to be in this with each other."

—Sara Corinne, Facebook

Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.

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