9 Things You Will Not Believe The Octopus Can Do

The octopus is one of the most unexplainable animals on the planet, contested only by the platypus, the echidna, and the angler fish. And trust us, you don't know squat about what it can do.

1. The mimic octopus is a master of imitation.

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It's able to alter its shape and behavior to resemble other, more dangerous animals.

Like the poisonous flatfish,

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and the barbed lionfish.

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Scientists currently know of fifteen different animals it can impersonate, but don't misunderstand us. That's not to say that they've only seen it do 15 impersonations.

2. It does impersonations of other.... things.

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They've seen it mimic more things than they can count, and most of the time, they flat out don't know what the hell it's doing:

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Look at this. What in the hell is this supposed to be?

3. One animal scientists are SURE they've seen it attempt to do is the human:

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Unless YOU know of another creature that is able to walk around on the sea bottom with two legs?

4. And they're not just limited to copying animals.

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Here's a piece of coral chilling out under the sea:

Yup, just a regular ol' run-of-the-mill piece of-

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Take a look at that one more time, backwards.

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Keep in mind that that isn't CGI. That is nature, and it happens under the water of the planet you currently exist on every day.

5. Octopuses may also be psychic.

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Or they pay REALLY close attention to soccer. Remember Paul the Octopus, from the 2010 FIFA World Cup? He was an oracle of an octopus that accurately picked the winner of every game Germany played in the 2010 World Cup, along with outcome the final match of the seres.

Sure, he could just be lucky, but the odds of that randomly happening are 256 to 1, or 0.39%.

6. They've got a nasty habit of killing sharks.

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Here's an octopus. He's trapped in a tank with a bunch of sharks.

"Oh no! Poor octopus! Run, octopus, run!" you might say, like the all-too-trusting chump the octopus is counting on you to be.

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"Sorry, shark. You're just not enough of a bloodthirsty murder torpedo to survive what's coming," I say, because I've seen too god damn much.

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I'll let nature show you the rest:

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That's a spiny dogfish shark, an animal covered in tiny spikes with a known carnivore habit and a reputation as a respected character actor in the nightmares of millions of people across generations. It just got its spine snapped by an octopus.

How well would you fare, do you think?

And what's more...

7. No cage can hold them.

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They can squeeze through any opening their beaks can fit through. Below is an octopus trapped in a thick, solid glass cube, with a single hole one inch in diameter in the walls.

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And here is that octopus breaking out:

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Honestly, an inch-wide hole is a lot of breathing room for them. There's video evidence of them slipping through a crack in a ship's hull.

Once you're underwater, there's no holding them back.

8. They can use tools.

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Octopuses have been observed in their natural environment using nearby objects as shelter, and going so far as to exhibit selective decision making in picking one object over another. Above is an octopus using two halves of a clamshell as a shelter, and Australian scientists have seen them using bottles and coconuts as well.

Which means one last, terrifying thing:

9. They're learning.

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Not only do they have the capacity to learn, but scientists are designing ways to teach them to learn better.

So we've found an underwater monster capable of killing sharks and using tools, that can't be held at bay by any wall or cage, is able to blend into any environment, and already has exhibited a capacity for learning, and we're teaching it how to learn better?

This is like knowingly creating the Matrix or Skynet, but if Skynet had eight arms of pure muscle that only wanted to rip your limbs off and crush your rib cage.

Well, at least they're gross, sticky, weird-looking monsters, right? They'll never be adorable enough to make us drop our guard. Or be able to come up on land. Right?

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...we're doomed.