Swedish Meat Ball Hot Wrap.Falafel and Halloumi Hot Wrap.Blueberry Probiotic Yoghurt Drink.Eggs Florentine Bloomer.Crayfish and Avocado 'No Bread' Salad.Love Bar.Chocolate and Hazelnut Crossiant.Sea Salt & Organic Cider Vinegar Crisps.Wiltshire-Cured Ham & Greve Cheese Baguette.
Breaking Bad24Game of ThronesOrange is the New BlackThe SopranosHomelandHouse of CardsThe WireI HAVE WATCHED ALL OF THEM
CHICKEN COTTAGE. WHERE ELSE WOULD I BE OMFG.McDonalds. I am aware of the stigma but I am proud.I will look in my cupboards at home and then I will cry.NANDOS, but Nandos closes at midnight so I am eating "Imaginary Nandos" (aka. nothing)Salad. Because salad tastes amazing.The walls, because licking the walls tastes amazing.This quiz, metaphorically.All the chips. All the chips. All the chips. All the chips. All the chips. All the chips.I can't eat anything. I've just fallen asleep on the Piccadilly, woken up at Cockfosters and there are no kebab houses in Cockfosters.
Which London Underground Station Are You?
You're the popular one, always in the middle of the action, and the station that everyone remembers. You’re also full of slightly confused tourists who have just arrived from Heathrow and think that the best way to exit is by taking the 193 stairs to the top instead of taking the lift. While carrying their suitcases. THEIR SUITCASES.
OK, so you’re a bit far out. The only reason people pass through you is to get to the airport or if they passed out blind drunk on the Piccadilly line. But think of how much responsibility you have. Think of the power. You are the strong one. We all love you (not Heathrow Terminal 4, you suck TOTALLY).
HOW CAN YOU EVEN BE A TUBE STATION? YOU’RE NOT EVEN IN LONDON. ARE YOU IN ZONE Q OR SOMETHING? DOES IT COST SOMEONE £485974856 TO VISIT YOU? Actually, you know what? You’re in the suburbs. You might have a garden. You probably have nice pavements, and a swimming pool. We’re just jealous, really.
You couldn’t be more central on the map, your mosaics inside blow everyone’s mind and when Crossrail is introduced through you in the future everyone will think that you’re the bees knees. Shame that right now in 2014 your neighbours are buildings that have been knocked down and directly opposite you is a huge oppressive 576ft Freddie Mercury statue.
Without you, London is fucked. All the tourists come here. All of them. They hang round your entrances and exits for absolutely no reason whatsoever. Which is impressive, because there are NINE of them. This is your life. Believe in yourself.
You're extremely well connected and on the up. People would totally visit you if they could be bothered to head to Zone 3. I mean, you've got the Central line, the Jubilee line, the DLR, the Overground AND National Rail services. You've also got the TITTING Olympics next to you, with that Orbit sculpture. You know, the one that looks like an upside down trumpet.
You’re friendly, you don’t mean any harm, you’re the one people cry on when they are sad. But when they do you have a sneaking suspicion they’ve confused you with someone else. I mean, technically there are TWO of you: one = serving the Circle, District, Hammersmith and City Line and one serving the Bakerloo line. But that’s ok, we won’t hold it against you.
“Hello, I’m Jo Whiley and welcome to the Radio 1 Live Lounge. I’m just here to let you know that Maida Vale is the best tube station around. It’s a lovely station, a lovely area and Oasis or someone once played in a studio that we have there. Also there’s a canal.”
YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE. FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE. DIE ANOTHER DAY. INSERT OTHER JAMES BOND REFERENCES HERE. Genuinely, Bond Street is a lovely station. You should be very proud of yourself. Even though half the station is closed for Crossrail redevelopment at the moment, no-one can complain about you. You will live forever. In our hearts.
You’re the leafy the station, the one that has a Waitrose next door, the one that everyone aspires to be at some point in their life. You’re also the gateway to a million posh restaurants and when people pass you they realise that everything will be okay.
This station is a lovely station. It is your dreams. Your lover. The light in your life. Your life is complete now. Everything is complete. I REPEAT. EVERYTHING IS COMPLETE.
You’re such an enigma. You’re also so deep right now. In fact, you are the deepest Underground station in the known Universe. Approximately eight miles deep, it takes passengers around 900 hours to get from their platform to the exit. There are some people are on the escalator right now who may never make it to the surface. Ever. You’re well cool though. People love escalators.
You’re in a state of transformation. Your future prospects? Pretty amazing. By 2018 or something everything is going to look rosy and futuristic. But right now? Well your ceiling tiles seem to be missing and you’re located in an area where every single building has been demolished for some reason. BUT look to the future. Just think of 2018.
Once you were a bit rubbish and were constantly under construction. NOW look at you. You’re posh, you’ve got access to PARIS, St Pancras looks so futuristic people are scared to enter the premises. In fact, instead of just calling yourself 'Kings Cross' or 'St Pancras’, you decided to merge your Underground names together because that’s the modern and middle class thing to do. You liberal loving lover you.
Yes, you’re on a line that splits apart so 50% of people who are planning to get to you can’t, but YOUR NAME IS MORNINGTON CRESENT SO WHO CARES. You’re a round on a Radio 4 gameshow for goodness sake. Everybody loves you, even though you don’t really make sense.
You're delightful. Your whole surrounding area looks like the Apprentice, you look all futuristic with your SILVER AND GREY METAL BITS and by 9pm on any given weekday absolutely everyone passing through you is drunk. Bad sides? You're utterly dead at weekends. D-E-A-D.
The rebellious one. The one that people feel cool leaving and entering. But with the line splitting in two after you, you force people to make decisions they don’t want to. And trying to visit you on a Saturday is a bit of a nightmare. Sort that out.
The relaxed station, the station that decides to clock off and head to sleep earlier during the weekdays and doesn’t even bother opening on Sundays. Oh and you’re loaded. Absolutely everyone who passes through you on any given day is on their way to work in the City. Gotta pay those bills $$$$.
WHY ARE YOU SO RICH AND POWERFUL CAN I TOUCH YOUR CHEST AND FEEL YOUR WEALTH AND POWER? You are the envy of the entire world. You’ve got parks, you’ve got a billion tourists, you’ve got the museums and you’ve got those flashy new routemaster buses above ground. Nothing can stop you. Nothing. In fact, we’re a little bit scared of you.
YOU ARE THE CENTRE OF THE UNIVERSE. Every single line passes through you and you’ve got approximately 85956 exits and entrances. Sure, it takes 47 hours to walk between the Central line and the Northern line in your tunnel system, so much so you think that there ought to be an Underground line inside you to transfer you between the lines, but you’re a ledge anyway and we all know it.
Yes the District line that passes through you is basically a giant milkfloat, travelling at approximately two miles an hour and taking about six hours to get to Wimbledon, but you’re above ground, you have adequate mobile phone signal, your building looks pretty neat and you must be doing quite well to afford living nearby. Drinks are on you tonight.
This station tries to be so trendy it hurts. I mean, you’ve got the Shard directly above you. The whole TITTING SHARD. You’ve also got a food market on your doorstep (please arrive before 12pm to avoid the tourists). You have a lot of self confidence.
You used to have the BBC Television Centre on your doorstep. Alas, no more. But now you do have a giant Westfield the size of Calcutta next to you and a pretty sweet minimalist style. People like you because you’re reliable. You’re the friendly station that makes sure their friends have wiped their mouth after eating a chicken sandwich.
OMFG YOU GOT BAKER STREET YOU BEAST. You’re a piece of class. You’re approximately nine hundred million years old, you’ve got Sherlock on your door step and everything about you is sexy beans on toast.
While what you’ve got above ground might not be to everybody’s standards, underground everything is fantastic. You look to your left and you see exposed rock. You look to your right and you see giant sheets of metal. You look down and you can see escalators rising up and down and you feel like a giant. This is what all of the tube should be like.
YOU'RE THE STATION WITH THE REALLY FUNNY NAME THAT PEOPLE END UP AT IF THEY GET DRUNK AND THEN FALL ASLEEP ON THE TRAIN. And because you’re at the end of the Piccadilly Line your name is announced on every train constantly so absolutely everyone knows where you are. You can't get bigger than Cockfosters. You’ve hit the big time. Seriously. Trust me.
WATERLOO. I was defeated, you won the war. WATERLOO. Promise to love you for ever more. WATERLOO. Couldn't escape if I wanted to. WATERLOO. Knowing my fate is to be with you. WATERLOO. Finally facing my Waterloo.