It was Ukraine.
And they did rather well too.
Was it this chap...This amazing woman...These powerful people...Or this strong individual?
It was these guys.
These people are Pilou Asbæk, Lise Rønne and Nikolaj Koppel. If you watched BBC Four foreign language political dramas in 2013, you would recognise Pilou from Borgen.
Jaffa cakeThinkstockCurly whirly cakeWaldopepper / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: waldopepperBattenburg cakeThinkstockA carrot cakeThinkstockChocolate eclairsThinkstockA chocolate logThinkstock
It was the curly whirly cake of doom
Tbh I don't think Molly actually likes cake that much.
FALSE. They performed in 2012.
Last year was the Tolmachevy Sisters, who sang with their hair tied together on a giant seesaw. Russia was not a popular country last year and was booed.
"Cause every-buh buh buh buh buh buh.""It’s not trigonometry.""Your mother is here and I am dancing for her.""Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala.""But you don't need to call me a freak."
Pollapönk's lyrics were just so strong.
It was Poland.
Their performance was errrrr.... interesting.
"A nice new girlfriend."Patrick Smith / Getty Images"A cheeky Nando's."David Woo / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: mckln"A moustache."Daniel Berehulak / Getty Images"A sweet cheesecake."Thinkstock
It was "a moustache."
France did REALLY well last year. Oh wait no they came last sorry guy's try harder.
It was TRUE. Can you remember it?
It didn't matter if you did or didn't because the United Kingdom beat them anyway.
They got Poland's dancers to erotically dance for him.They threw confetti over him for no reason.One of the hosts made him repeat Chinese phrases.They gave him some of the f*cking Molly cake.
They covered him in confetti.
Indoor fireworks then flew from all of the other commentator booths and it looked like they had all exploded.
It was Malta's "Firelight"!
Can you remember this performance? If you can't, it's probably because of the WINE YOU DRANK OBVIOUSLY.
Germany completely screwed up giving out results.Finland decided to rap for like 30 horrible seconds.The Swedish announcer sounded completely drunk.Slovenia decided to "hilariously" walk off.
It was Finland rapping forEVER.
"Well that wasn't embarrassing at all. Well done", responded Graham Norton. The other things have happened, but in different years.
She won with 290 points!
"This night is dedicated to everyone who believes in a future of peace and freedom. You know who you are... We are unity. And we are unstoppable."