1. What day is it? No, really. Tell me. What day is it?
2. Christmas Day? CHRISTMAS DINNER.
7. Everything is currently a little bit weird. All the people you normally listen to on the radio aren’t there.
10. It’s not like there is much news anyway. There’s just the Queen’s Christmas speech…
Their report will consist of people standing outside shopping centres looking quite excited/cold.
There will then be footage of thousands of tourists bursting into a store at 400 miles per hour.
12. Do you do Boxing Day sales? No, you don’t.
Because this footage makes you hate everyone. That’s why.