So you've heard the sad news about Nick Hewer.
That's right – he is leaving The Apprentice.
So farewell Apprentice - it's been 10 yrs of fun working on a worthwhile show but now it's time to file the notebook and throttle back. Bye
Speaking as an Apprentice fan, this news is a crushing blow. The doom-mongers who have been saying that the show won't be good again are right. It really won't be. He was more important than Lord Sugar, the candidates, and the man whose narration is pretending that it's a serious programme about business. Everything.
1. Why? Well let's start with his powerful face.
The Apprentice is 78% about Nick Hewer's face. Every key moment in the show's history has been based around his facial expression or his reaction to something that has happened. His face is literally a moral compass for how well his team are doing. You could mute the show and still know everything just from his face.
2. Sometimes, looking at his face, it feels like you're able to read his mind at the same time.
3. Also, this is his face when he looks at a computer.
4. And his best facial expression ever was only a few weeks ago, which is probably why he's now leaving.
He simply couldn't improve on it. It was just too perfect. Watching his face was like witnessing someone slowly waking up from a powerful yet terrifying dream.
5. But this facial expression came close (although this was for an advert for the latest series).
6. Everything he does is just so damn cool.
7. He even looked cool when he was the butt of a Lord Sugar joke about erectile dysfunction.
Erectile dysfunction was part of a business idea by Sarah Dales, who was then fired.
8. You are so keen to be part of his life in some way.
9. He is also the sassiest bitch you could come across.
10. There's also this one.
11. His best putdown? When Phillip recorded a song about pants as part of an ad about breakfast cereal.
Later, in the boardroom, Nick said this.
This is the second most popular line that he has ever said. His first? Well, it requires very little introduction at all. The moment is still etched in your mind.
12. It's the time when one of the teams used sandalwood oil instead of cedarwood while making a batch of beauty products.
Nick found out, and asked them this.
The others, thinking that they had used cedarwood, thought they hadn't spent much at all.
He then told them.
Kate Walsh's face was like this.
And then he said the smoothest line that has ever been mentioned. A line that just cannot be beaten.
"Anyway, I'll leave it with you."
If anyone has to replace Nick Hewer on The Apprentice, it has to be someone completely different, who doesn't compare to Nick in any way, shape, or form. Someone who preferably isn't cool, can't get away with murder, and hasn't got a face. And who would want that? Why should we adjust to someone new?
Don't go, Nick. Don't go. For the love of god.
