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23 Valentine's Day Gifts For Unromantic People

I guess you're ok or whatever.

Alice Mongkongllite / BuzzFeed

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1. A card that lets bae know they're #1.

On your list of "people who are tolerable."

Get it from The Paper Cub on Etsy for $5.

2. A pair of diamonds you can actually afford.

And can get totally drunk with!

Get them from Amazon for $21.70.

3. Or if slightly explicit mugs are more your cuppa tea.

Tina took the words right out of your mouth, didn't she?

Get it from Amazon for $16.99.

4. Pillowcases that are only half joking when it comes to setting boundaries.

Love is about establishing your dominance.

Get them from Amazon for $32.

5. A cookbook that's way less boring than your typical dinner-and-a-movie date.

Watch Hannah's hilarious "Drunk Kitchen" videos for inspiration or as needed.

Get it from Amazon for $16.59.

6. A gold skull ring for everyone who's totally had it with overly corny jewelry.

Cause of death: bombarded by too many hearts.

Get it from Amazon for $12.90.

7. Dick-shaped lipsticks that are extremely fun to play with.

theonlykaybye / Via


Get a set of 12 from Amazon for $16.

8. A gut-busting, fast-paced game that discourages endearing, thought-out messages.

Ain't nobody got time for soliloquies.

Get it from Amazon for $19.99.

9. A teddy bear who isn't quite as cheesy as his fuzzy heart-toting counterparts.

Get it from Amazon for $25, or as a keychain for $7.

10. A genius skillet with divided compartments for picky-eater couples.

Save time, gas money, and unnecessary arguments over what to eat.

Get it from Amazon for $49.99.

11. A classy duvet cover that cuts right to the chase.

Get it from Secret Ninja on Society6 for $89+.

12. An ominous notebook that doesn't really care for Netflix.

Get it from Nylon for $12.

13. Deodorant sticks for people who aren't afraid to give their partners a lil' hint.

Honey, you smell.

Get the Lavender + Sage from Amazon for $7.50 and the Cedarwood + Juniper for $7.76.

14. A "Tainted Love" gift box stuffed with disease microbes that depict romance gone wrong.

It comes with five mini microbes: Herpes, Chlamydia, The Clap, HPV, and Syphilis! Delightful!

Get it from Amazon for $19.95.

You can also get a heart-shaped box version from Amazon or bouquet version from ThinkGeek.

15. A punny card that totally doesn't insinuate that they suck the life out of you.

Only sometimes, but it's true.

Get it from Calliope Corner Paper Co. on Etsy for $4.05.

16. An Echo Dot that can play music, dim lights, and order toilet paper with your voice's command.

Because remembering to buy toilet paper is the most romantic gesture of all.

Get it from Amazon for $49.99.

17. A poster that could be renamed, "faces bae has to deal with every day."

Get it from Urban Outfitters for $19+.

18. An assortment of scrumptious, organic snacks, because a healthy heart > chocolate hearts, amirite.

lovewithfood / Via

A portion of each purchase also goes towards organizations that fight childhood hunger, like Feeding America and The Global Food Banking Network.

Get a monthly subscription from Love With Food for $7.99+.

19. Hunky underwear featuring everyone's favorite historical bae, Henry VIII.

May your relationships be less disposable than his six wives.

Get it from Twisted Tweet Ltd. on Etsy for $22.02. Also available in Anne Boleyn.

20. Audio-sharing headphones that force your S.O. to listen to your music.

And keeps their earwax to themselves.

Get them from Amazon for $199.99 each.

21. A comforting-ish card that lets your partner know you wouldn't let them perish in the ocean.


Get it from Pinwheel Print Shop on Etsy for $4.

22. A miniature boyfriend or girlfriend doll, so they can take you wherever they go.

You say creepy, I say can't-live-without-you.

Get them from Moon Coo Coo on Etsy for $30 each — pocket girlfriend here and pocket boyfriend here.

23. A trash can, because this holiday is trash and so are feelings.

Get the eight-gallon red one from Amazon for $49.69 or the 16-gallon black one for $35.

Here's to saying "I love you" in your own (less mushy and far superior) way.



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