We recently asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us about their best and/or weirdest drunk purchases on Amazon. Here are their hilarious responses:
1. A cheeky bumper sticker for the most devoted lovers of #2.
2. A snuggly narwhal onesie for lounging, wearing on Halloween, walking around the city — the possibilities are endless.
3. A copy of Gordon Ramsay's perfectly titled autobiography, because everyone deserves a chance to tell their ~whole~ story.
4. A massive parachute (aka a blast from past gym classes and playdates).
5. A replica of Bellatrix Lestrange's wand for the dark wizards lurking inside of us.
6. A Charles Darwin ornament to show your deep appreciation for his contributions to the study of evolution.
7. The most magnificent "Funny Cute Cat Dressed as Rambo With Gun Riding a Glowing Red Eyes Fire Breathing Unicorn Mouse Pad" you've ever laid eyes on.
8. A comfy neck pillow shaped like a red chili pepper so you can travel in style.
9. A snazzy bubble wrap calendar that'll have you ~bursting~ with excitement every morning.
10. A sea monkey kit for those who probably can't be trusted with keeping real pets alive.
11. A cello to make your dreams of being a world-reowned classical musician come true (but make sure you get it in the right size).
12. A set of devilishly handsome Zac Efron cupcake toppers that capture his best hair days, tbh.
13. An entire Batman-themed bathroom set if you're really into the yellow and black decor theme.
14. A used Ouija board that was most definitely haunted thanks to its previous owners.
15. An Amazon Prime membership followed up by some very redeeming horse head masks.
16. A kiddie pool and some good ol' sand that will save you a bunch of time and gas you would've wasted going to an actual beach.
"To make a beach in my backyard, because I couldn’t drive there." —amandal4d25e72aa
17. A "wine rack" for your boobs because bras that don't contain hidden alcohol padding are B-list bras.
"It’s a sports bra that holds an entire bottle of wine that you can drink from with this long straw like a CamelBak." —katiev42503191e
Get it for $29.99.
18. A T. rex head to mount on your wall and instill deep fear in all of your visitors (but probably mostly yourself).
19. A fun-sized pocket breathalyzer to satiate your curious self during ~future~ alcohol consumption.
20. The complete series of The Flintstones, because you deserve quality cartoons at all times of the day.
21. A copy of The Communist Manifesto that covers all of your no-fail conversation starters.
22. A colorful AF Hawaiian shirt for your precious, unsuspecting feline or pup.
Submitted by deannew468724928
Get it for $10.99.
23. Train horns that your significant other definitely won't judge you for.
24. A sex positions coloring book for when the usual flowers and stuff gets a little ~boring~.
25. A life-size alien cardboard cutout that kind of looks like E.T. if you squint really hard.
26. Enough dog poo bags to last you a lifetime (or less than that).
"Useful? Yes. But WTF, drunk self." —hollyj4e51f24fd
Get 900 bags for $14.97. For a little more $$, these are a good eco-friendly option.
27. A chubby garden gnome sleeping on a hammock, which no lawn or office desk is complete without.
28. A soy candle–making kit, which is probably best to play around with when sober, because hot wax and all.
"My first ever time getting drunk, I was feeling crafty and bought $60 worth of candle-making supplies. I didn't have a job and instead used the 'emergency savings' that my parents gave me. That was really fun to explain." —Cayla Walton, Facebook
You could buy supplies separately...or just get this kit for $39.
29. Shel Silverstein books to fill the gaping holes in someone's childhood left by the lack of these classics.
30. A tiny brush that will spruce up your dirty butt in no time.
31. A snake bite kit because...you never know.
32. Eight jars of rainbow chip frosting, because your cakes deserve the very best slathers of colorful sugar.
33. A talking bathroom scale that is very eager to inform you how many pounds you've put on.
34. A pound's worth of Pez candy and a baby wipes Dash button, so you can be relive your childhood and be really clean?
"I don’t have a baby…" —chloew4c8ba5c02
Get the Pez for $9.95 and Dash button for $4.99 (but you also get a $4.99 credit).
35. A cute stuffed zebra for your pup to inevitably destroy (out of love).
36. A winning combination of gummy worms, a French cookbook, a giant unicorn pool float, and purple hair dye.
And last but not least...
"Every time I buy off Amazon I'm drunk." —l4bbb4efe7
#goals #winningatlife
The comments for this post have been edited for length and clarity.
