2. A snuggly narwhal onesie for lounging, wearing on Halloween, walking around the city — the possibilities are endless.
3. A copy of Gordon Ramsay's perfectly titled autobiography, because everyone deserves a chance to tell their ~whole~ story.
6. A Charles Darwin ornament to show your deep appreciation for his contributions to the study of evolution.
7. The most magnificent "Funny Cute Cat Dressed as Rambo With Gun Riding a Glowing Red Eyes Fire Breathing Unicorn Mouse Pad" you've ever laid eyes on.
11. A cello to make your dreams of being a world-reowned classical musician come true (but make sure you get it in the right size).
18. A T. rex head to mount on your wall and instill deep fear in all of your visitors (but probably mostly yourself).
19. A fun-sized pocket breathalyzer to satiate your curious self during ~future~ alcohol consumption.
20. The complete series of The Flintstones, because you deserve quality cartoons at all times of the day.
28. A soy candle–making kit, which is probably best to play around with when sober, because hot wax and all.
"My first ever time getting drunk, I was feeling crafty and bought $60 worth of candle-making supplies. I didn't have a job and instead used the 'emergency savings' that my parents gave me. That was really fun to explain." —Cayla Walton, Facebook
You could buy supplies separately...or just get this kit for $39.
29. Shel Silverstein books to fill the gaping holes in someone's childhood left by the lack of these classics.
32. Eight jars of rainbow chip frosting, because your cakes deserve the very best slathers of colorful sugar.
And last but not least...
"Every time I buy off Amazon I'm drunk." —l4bbb4efe7
The comments for this post have been edited for length and clarity.