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1. Furry shearling earmuffs with one important, happy-dance-inducing feature: speaker technology! *stubbornly listens to Christmas music until February*
2. A satisfyingly soft memory foam mattress topper (aka two inches of gel-infused magic) to relieve your poor, tense muscles dealing with the rigid personality of your cheapo mattress.
3. Glow-in-the-dark dots so you can transform your boring ceiling into a galaxy of stars, constellations, and wonderment.
4. Shaking-activated heated foot insoles to keep those stompers warm (for up to nine hours) and protected against flimsy boot bottoms that let slush and dread seep through.
5. Delightful NYT crossword puzzle books that totally warrant a no-plans, no-people, pup-nuzzling, and hot-cocoa-by-the-gallons sort of day.
6. A perfectly soft and shaggy microfiber blanket to bundle yourself in like a cute lil' cinnamon bun and literally never come out. Real life, what's that?
7. An ahhh-generating heated toilet seat equipped with three temperature settings to make cold butts and thighs an issue of the past.
8. A portable, 1.5-pound light therapy lamp that stands in as a formidable opponent of winter dreariness and SAD (seasonal affective disorder) for people and felines alike!
9. An electric heated plate to keep your cup of tea/coffee/mulled wine toasty warm until the very last drop.
10. A fluffy teddy fleece backpack made out of faux sherpa that's great ~fur~ toting around cozy vibes, even when you're away from your bed.
11. An adorable dachshund scarf that is equal parts cute and selfish — it feels like it deserves to be the ~only~ scarf you wear all winter.
12. A giant, extremely plump cinnamon bun to squish and love for all of eternity.
13. Beary cute fleece slippers for constant companionship as you shuffle back and forth from your kitchen to couch/bed.
14. Or USB-powered toasted s'mores foot warmers for ~elevated~ levels of coziness with a dash of sweetness.
15. A majestic unicorn onesie that lets you zone out in psychedelic rainbow fashion — the only way to do it, really.
16. A glorious foam-stuffed bean bag chair to sink your whole body and all your worries into — bye stress!
17. A cozy-centric book with 125 unique recipes, crafts, and other homemade ideas that are *le gasp* actually possible for the average person to achieve, aka a coffee table book that's ~way more~ than a compilation of pretty pictures to stare at.
18. An oversized hoodie cardigan akin to what I imagine becoming a life-size teddy bear feels like.
19. Reusable hedgehog dryer puffs to make laundry day possibly the best day ever — for instance, I suggest creating a mountain of clean, buttery-soft laundry and then launching yourself into it. #heaven
20. An adorable microwavable wrap with a special treat: one lifetime ~membersheep~ to Cozy Town.
21. A best-seller that teaches all the ins and outs of ~hygge~ and tips on how to incorporate philosophies of simplicity, well-being, togetherness, and comfort into your life — take a page from the Danish, quite literally!
22. A plush and regal velvet armchair you can only dream of beating in a style showdown.
23. Fleece-lined leggings with a flexible waistband for comfort and *real* warmth, aka areas your jeans typically fall short in — meet your new favorite bottoms!
24. A versatile and breathable bamboo rayon infinity pillow perfect for taking power naps on the go.
25. Warm lavender-scented eye masks to soothe your worn-out peepers after a day of staring at screens — an express spa treatment (each masks stays warm for ~10 minutes), if you will!
26. A portable humidifier for instant dry [insert any body part here, really] relief anywhere you go — just stick it in a cup of cool water and voila, a steady stream of mist to combat rampant central heating.
27. Gorgeous Jonathan Adler candles that totally steal the coffee table show and engulf your senses in a variety of warm, sophisticated, and inviting scents.
28. A twistable gadget holder so your arms aren't burdened by the crushing weight of holding your phone or tablet while you laugh at funny cat vs. dog videos for five consecutive hours.
29. A powerful lil' ceramic heater to keep your space toasty warm while saving some major bucks on heating bills. Win-win.
30. A floor-sweeping belted plush robe made for snuggling on the weekends, weeknights, and possibly even weekdays (hello, new office attire!) — sorry, you'll never want to take it off.
31. Rainbow globe lights to set any room aglow with cheer.
32. Sensitive-skin-safe coconut epsom salt for a long, recharging soak that leaves your entire body feeling as soft as a baby's bottom!
The reviews used in this post have been edited for length and clarity.