The Pentagon just prescribed a chillaxative to pretty much all of Texas. Why? There's been a lot of conspiracy theories that Jade Helm might really be a military takeover of Texas.
Uh, excuse me, excuse me? WTF is Jade Helm? And why would anyone takeover Texas?
Great questions. Especially the second. But let's start with Jade Helm. When we hear that, we think this: a hot, red-headed superhero fighting against the scourge of unrecycled trash.
Unfortunately for us :( that's not the case. Jade Helm 15 refers to planned military exercises that will take place this summer across 7 states, including Texas.
For the training, U.S. Special Ops will move covertly through the public in military aircraft.
Training operations of this type are done on the reg, but Jade Helm 15 is unusual because of its large size. Which leads us to...
Why is the military in Texas? The state is historically supportive of the military exercises to help fight foreign enemies.
OR is it that the military is preparing for martial law so that the federal government can takeover and STEAL ALL THE TEXMEX??!??
Nobody messes with Texas's texmex. Governor Greg Abbott ordered the Texas State Guard to "monitor" the Jade Helm 15 exercises in order "to address concerns of Texas citizens."
You know what citizen has some concerns? Someone who isn't very happy with the federal government?
YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT IT'S CHUCK NORRIS.
Chuck Norris, who just re-endorsed Mike Huckabee for president, wrote, "The U.S. government says, 'It’s just a training exercise.' But I’m not sure the term 'just' has any reference to reality when the government uses it."
This map of military training exercises, published by the Washington Post, stoked conspiracy concerns when people misinterpreted the "hostile" portion of the map as referring to actual Texas citizens (not imagined foreign hostility for training purposes).
Chuck Norris doesn't appreciate being called "hostile."
That map isn't the "only" evidence martial law conspiracy theorists have discovered. Many believe their beloved Walmart is also involved in these dastardly government plans.
Six Walmarts closed due to plumbing issues in states involved in #JadeHelm15. Will those empty Walmarts become food distribution centers for invading Chinese/Russian/Unicorn armies?
Well if everyone is jumping on the conspiracy bandwagon, why not presidential hopeful and U.S. Senator Ted Cruz?
Hmmm. Doesn't seem like Ted's buying it, but he understands if you do. And why not? It is fun to indulge conspiracy theorists.
#unicornarmy #martiallaw #walmart #plumbing???
Who will save us? The Texas State Guard? Jade Helm, the recycling superhero?
I'm putting my money on the Texas Rangers.
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