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Basic Bitches Get Buried, So Turn Yourself Into A Dildo Or Diamond

Because only basic bitches get buried.

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1. Shove Your Ashes in a Dildo

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Get reincarnated as the dildo you already are by putting your ashes in a penis-sized tube.

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The 21 Grams kit also comes with music and perfume that will ensure your scent lingers on.

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You'll be dead ready for some hot nasty ghost sex.

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2. Turn Yourself Into a Motherfucking Diamond

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Add a clause in your will...

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That says your loved ones must wear you...

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Every day.

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TRY TO FORGET MOMMY NOW!

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3. Fly Your Dead Ass to Outer Space

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For a small fee, Celestis will turn your remains into a regular Buzz Lightyear.

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To death, and beyond!

Pets too!

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FLUFFY IS GOING TO SPACE!

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4. Live On as a Boss-Ass Tree

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Bios Urn... turning your widower into a tree hugger for over 15 years.

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You're dead anyway — might as well make yourself useful.

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Be a sage old tree.

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5. Put Your Ashes In A FIREWORK

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Heavens Above is only for the flashiest dead people.

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Look at me! I'm ON FIRE!

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6. Become a Crash Test Dummy

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Cadavers are better than crash test dummies because they give more data on what happens to internal organs during crashes.

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Relive the pain of dying again and again!

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7. Donate Your Cadaver to Body Worlds.

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And live out your dreams as a soccer player!

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Singer!

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Card shark!

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Or sea captain!

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Whatever you pick, just remember...

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