We hope you love our recommendations! Some may have been sent as samples, but all were independently selected by our editors. Just FYI, BuzzFeed and its publishing partners may collect a share of sales and/or other compensation from the links on this page.
Hey! While we’re doing our best to make sure the products we feature will arrive in time for Valentine’s Day, shipping times can vary depending on where you live, which product you purchase, and more. Be sure to double check the retailers’ websites for shipping information to ensure that your gift will arrive in time for the 14th!
1. A squishy penis pillow might make for a surprising, but still willy good gift.
2. A screaming goat desktop toy that reviewers seriously can't stop talking about. I'm not kidding. They can't stop raving about how this little, extremely loud, and annoying goat has improved their lives and the lives of others.
3. You've Got Crabs — a fun card game that lets you be able to say that phrase to your partner without a clawful response.
4. A linen pillow cover that immortalizes one of the greatest moments in TV history and that they'll use to rest their head on while they rewatch The Office for the 782nd time this week.
5. A giant bag of cereal marshmallows that'll save them the trouble of picking out all the non-charms from their Lucky Charms.
6. Fifty Shades of Chicken — a punishingly good cookbook for sultry poultry lovers.
7. A classic box of chocolate, butt! with a twist we can all get behind.
8. A pair of deliciously cozy tortilla socks anyone would be happy to wrap themselves up in.
9. A mermaid sequin pillow case that reveals a national treasure when they pet it.
10. A pack of cards touting expert advice from the "World's Most Celebrated Felines."
11. A desktop Wacky Waving Inflatable Tube Guy that will bring dance and joy to them every single day.
12. A colouring book packed full of farting animals that will help them relax and unwind from a stressful day.
13. A cookie shot glass pan set so they can make cookie shot glasses — yes, you heard that right! Motherf#@%ing delicious shot glasses they can eat after they down their milk like the badass you know they are.
14. A bag of cotton candy unicorn farts that are as magical as they are delicious.
15. A risque copy of The Cookie Sutra filled with all the moves that'll make you both crumble.
16. This plush monkey tissue dispenser that will make them do a double-take.
17. These urinal shot glasses that really put the word "gag" in "gag gift."
Happy Valentine's Day to you and your... special someone.
