1. You bought it mostly out of curiosity and because you saw that funny and slightly disturbing commercial. And now you can't imagine life without it.
2. But the first time you used it, you were incredibly skeptical. I mean, “potties” are for kids, right?!
3. You waited, waited, waited, and then OMG. IT'S HAPPENING. You were terrified but thrilled. You felt weird about being so excited about pooping.
4. You weren't that kind of person before. But you've changed. This is what pooping feels like now:
5. And then you immediately needed to tell everybody about it.
6. As you continued to use it, your passion grew. You wanted everyone to know about it.
7. And you felt very territorial over it.
8. You have suddenly become an expert in posture and bodily functions and now you're on a mission to educate everyone about it.
9. At some point, you've definitely grabbed a salt shaker in one hand and made a C-shape with your other hand while saying to someone, "OK, so imagine this is the base of the toilet, and this is the Squatty Potty..."
10. And you have absolutely no shame with owning one and letting people know about it.
11. But dealing with people who try to convince you that "just any stool would work" is kind of the worst.
12. You truly believe it makes the perfect gift.
13. But whenever you stub your toe on it, you become overwhelmed with a sense betrayal.
14. Your squatty potty gives you comfort and you always want to use it. For everything.
15. And you kind of feel like you're cheating on it when you poop in a different bathroom that doesn't have one.
16. You internally freak out whenever you spot one at someone else's house.
17. And lastly, you will never look at soft serve ice cream the same way ever again.
And unicorns too.