I went out to get a box of KD and returned home to eat the entire box by myself because there's no way there are 4 "servings" in a single box.
I first inspected the exterior of the box and that's when I saw it. The tab. It's a section of the box that has scoring around it, leading people to assume that if pressure is applied, the tab would be pressed in and the box would open.
Here's a close up:
THE TAB WAS A LIE.
Thanks a lot, KD! Going to go eat my feelings. Now, if only I could open that fucking box.