23 Signs You Did Mock Trial

Do your parents say, “Don’t Mock Trial me”? Do you say “objection” in regular conversation?

1. You watch Law & Order the way regular people watch sports.

“Well, I would have objected lack of personal knowledge.”

2. Your parents still say, “Don’t mock trial me.”

3. If you have to interact with the police, never fear, you have case law on your side.

Turns out sitting through pretrial was good for something.

4. You still take notes on these.

Look at the length on that baby. That’s what I’m talking about.

5. You still work out/sleep in shirts such as this:

6. You have posed for this photograph many, many times.


(Don’t forget the funny version.)

7. You don’t see a courtroom, you see an arena.

8. You don’t see girls in pantsuits, you see warriors.

9. You know that with a great suit comes great power.

10. You accidentally use mock trial terms — like “strike that” or “sustained” — in day-to-day conversation.

You hear bad gossip? Objection heresay.
Someone derails a conversation? Objection relevance.

11. It was hard to break the habit of saying “your honor” at the end of every sentence.

“Yes, your honor.”

12. You had a signature hand gesture, like this:

The classic “waiting for the defendant to walk into the death trap that is my cross” fingertip touch.

Or this:

The “why would he have said that if he hadn’t already known the files were missing” hyperbolic faux shrug.

Or this:

All fingers together now: “Meanwhile my client, who is mourning the loss of her close friend and classmate, sits here today accused of a crime she did not commit.”

13. You also had a signature strut.

“The evidence will show…”

14. And a game face.

One you did not break even after delivering a perfect close.

15. Though on the inside you went:

16. Oh, and when your opponent slipped up? You knew it and you nailed ‘em.

“May I direct the court’s attention to the second page of the defendant’s statement to the police…”

17. Not that you didn’t have your moments of sheer panic, too.

18. At least someone always had your back.

19. Especially your coach.

20. (Also caffeine.)

21. Today, when you tell your friends you did mock trial they’re like…

22. And then when you try to explain it they’re like:

“So your school’s prosecution faces the opposing’s team defense while a judge, who’s not judging but just acting as judge — you know what? Never mind.”

23. But if you’re honest with yourself…

It helped shape you into the person you are today.

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