1. This very NSFW history lesson:
Imagine dying mid nut now you in history books like this. Lmaoo https://t.co/9JYsJwsfev
2. Another one that wasn't in your high school history books:
Imagine u dying during the plague & this shit walk in https://t.co/JDkuZlXbBh
3. And this one too, LMAO:
[invention of fish net stockings] fisherman 1: Help! I got caught in the fish net! fisherman 2: is it just me or is dave looking a little ... hot? fisherman 3: no dave is definitely being hot rn
4. This struggle of growing up sort of religious:
5. And this clapback from Stormy Daniels:
Sure! When I have a dick in my mouth https://t.co/YZhKBxJxC9
6. This Election Day tweet:
me voting in 2016 vs. me voting in 2018
7. This Grindr mishap:
8. And another chat gone awry:
9. One more tweet for the gays (pressing play is worth it, I promise):
A top talking about the ONE time they bottomed
10. This tweet about being an adult, but ignoring your responsibilities:
When u put Tupperware inside the cabinet and close the door and hear it all come crashing down https://t.co/J86ACW98fL
11. This Halloween costume and caption that has me laughing and shaking my head:
tryna find me a diego to fuck, yes i know he’s my cousin
12. Another good, but also bad, Halloween tweet:
I know this is supposed to be Willy Wonka or whatever but now I’m imagining Sexy Union Rep trying to negotiate a Sexy Contract for Sexy Working Conditions and then ending up on Sexy Strike https://t.co/V00y9mfMSI
13. OK SORRY ONE MORE HALLOWEEN TWEET, this time about the movie:
Michael Myers as a child
14. This poem that almost made the cut for Milk and Honey:
I told him let’s get this bread but he was gluten free - rupi kaur
15. Trying to get through the work week like:
The only bag I’m securing this week
16. When you're watching election results come in:
Florida living 5 feet above sea level and voting for the party that doesn't believe in climate change...
17. This absolute roast of Ann Coulter:
did it drop another house on your sister? https://t.co/p2MZY8TpTI
18. This tweet-long story that destroyed the gender binary:
My girl was riding me so good she said “Who’s dick is this”? I said “Yours daddy” 😭😭🤦♂️
19. Honestly, if you don't think you're going to hell at this point, good for you:
People with curly hair be like: 🍤🍤🍤🍤🍤🍤 🍤🍤🍤🍤🍤🍤🍤 🍤 🍤 🍤 🍤 🍤 👁 👁 👃🏻 👄
20. Imagine having to explain this to your parents:
they doin what they gotta do to meet ariana https://t.co/sspbheLxuV
21. Singing along to Beyoncé like:
partition...and after my one semester of elementary french i’m singing the french part too bitch! es coochie air matress sex...le sex..jew bit ear, lactose physics. https://t.co/afctxQJfJs
22. When you realize Charli XCX is all of us on social media:
me
23. Asking the very important questions:
Did Grimace die???
24. I'm laughing but also hanging my head in shame:
Cause the mobile phone wasn't invented in 1911 ya daft cunt https://t.co/Vl7gfANwaH
25. This very real tweet:
fancy high end depressed restaurants people 🤜🤛 eating off of cutting boards
26. And finally, if you've got friends like this, YOU'RE SET FOR LIFE:
Me and my friend at the bar looking at each other at the end of the night knowing that we just spent so much money to get this drunk and the void still isn’t filled but it was fun n we’ll do it again https://t.co/WOiQWChBO6