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How Old Are You Actually?

Age is just a number, right?

Posted on
Jerod Harris / Mike Coppola / Brian To / Getty Chris Ritter / BuzzFeed
  1. Check off everything you have ever done in your life. Like, EVER.

    Check
    You have pooped in a diaper.
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    You learned to walk, but maybe fell a few times along the way.
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    You learned how to use a toilet.
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    You learned to speak good. Or is it well? Whatever, you can talk.
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    You have played on a playground, and probably got some scrapes and bruises along the way.
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    You lost your baby teeth.
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    You’ve been to a pizza party.
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    You learned how to color inside the lines.
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    You learned how to ride a bicycle. No training wheels, woohoo!
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    You have been on a play date.
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    You have played a sport in an organized league.
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    You have had to go through sex-education. It was traumatizing.
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    Also, you have gone through puberty and thus went through an "awkward phase."
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    You have had a crush on someone. Butterflies!
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    You have kissed someone. It was wet.
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    You have failed a quiz, a test, or a class. You have failed something.
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    You have learned to drive a car. It was awesome.
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    And if you learned how to parallel-park, you are officially a boss.
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    You can see an R-rated movie on your own. It’s not as exciting as sneaking into the theater.
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    You have been to a school dance. It was hot, sweaty, and awkward.
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    You have moved away from home. Scary!
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    You have tasted alcohol, even though you might not be 21.
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    You might have even been a little bit tipsy or — gasp — gotten drunk!
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    You’ve had an adult sexual experience, as opposed to just making out with a stranger at a bar.
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    That being said, you have made out with a stranger at a bar as well.
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    You have celebrated a birthday where your parents DIDN'T throw you a party.
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    You have a resume. It’s mostly bullshit.
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    You’ve been on an interview and it was quite possibly the most terrifying thing you have ever done
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    You think about sex. A lot. Like, your mind is dirtier than a gas station restroom in Texas.
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    You’ve dated someone and hooked up with someone and know the difference between the two.
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    You do your own laundry, or at least try to.
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    You can cook for yourself. Eggs and grilled cheese count!
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    You have lived on your own. Spread those wings!
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    You have your own pet. It may be a fish, or it may be a dog, but you're responsible for keeping it alive!
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    You have had a full-time job. Money in the bank!
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    But then you had to pay taxes. Ugh, numbers!
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    You are completely fine with staying in on a Friday night.
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    Also, drinking alcohol just to get drunk doesn’t sound as good as it used to.
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    And you’ve probably upgraded to “good” alcohol, like craft beer or wine that costs more than $5 a bottle.
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    Also, when you get carded when you purchase alcohol, it’s kind of exciting.
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    You’ve fallen in love and it was amazing.
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    You’ve had your heart broken, and you had some Ben & Jerry’s to ease the pain.
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    You pay your own cell phone bill. No more family plan for you!
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    Hangovers now feel like an eighteen-wheeler ran over your head.
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    You have been in a serious relationship with someone. Or pizza.
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    You also have broken up with someone, or been dumped. Either way, it isn’t fun.
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    Some of your friends have gotten married. It’s the worst.
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    Also, they've had babies. They probably post pics on Facebook.
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    Your mother at one point or another has asked you why you are not married yet.
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    Also, she has asked when she will get some grandkids. Just stop, mom!
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    You are really your own person and don’t really give a fuck about what people think about you.
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    You’ve made a big move, and it was exciting and scary and fun and stressful, all at the same time.
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    You’ve been on a vacation somewhere crazy and life-changing, like Europe or a cross-country road trip.
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    You’re at the point in your life where you know which friends really matter and which don’t.
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    You have your own business card. They are awesome.
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    You have noticed a gray hair on your head. Whatever, it’s natural.
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    You have noticed several gray hairs on your head. PANIC.
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    You’ve dieted or exercised not because it is a fad, but because you actually want to lose weight.
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    You think of people younger than you as “youths” or “kids.”
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    You’ve been in a solid, long-term relationship for longer than a year. Imaginary relationships do NOT count.
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    You’ve married someone. Bonus points if you are STILL married to them!
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    There has been some sort of “new” technology you didn’t really understand, but you gave it a try anyway.
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    You’ve noticed your metabolism isn’t the same as it used to be, aka you can’t have half a pizza consequence-free.
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    You’re so well established at your job that you feel comfortable pooping in the office.
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    You’ve thought about having kids. Hey, that biological clock is a-ticking!
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    You’ve actually HAD kids and it was the most incredible thing to ever happen to you.
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    You’ve lost someone close to you. It was gut wrenching, but it’s part of life.
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    You’ve lost your parents, and it’s sad and weird because now you really are calling the shots.
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    You no longer get carded when you purchase alcohol.
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    Your body will not cooperate when you try to eat some of your favorite foods. Looking at you, dairy!
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    You get mail from AARP. #dark
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    You’ve retired. Yay, no more 9-to-5!
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    You have grandkids! You most definitely spoil them.
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    In the past you sort of didn’t give a fuck about what everyone thinks about you. Now you REALLY don’t give a fuck.
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    You’ve realized life is magical, and while there are some speed bumps along the way, it really is a hell of a ride.

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