Skip To Content

    41 'Murican Things All American Bros Love

    America the Bro-tiful.

    1. Wearing shorts that expose the thigh, like Chubbies.

    2. "Can you pass me the aux cord?"

    3. New Balance sneakers.

    4. Being absurdly loyal to a brand of cheap beer.

    5. Salmon-colored shorts.

    6. Taylor Swift.

    7. Lacrosse, and calling it "Lax."

    8. Smoking "Cubans" at special occasions, but they're not actually from Cuba and they don't like the taste.

    9. Saying "I don't care" when asked for their input or opinion on something.

    10. Playing Super Mario Kart/Super Smash Bros. while drunk and/or high.

    11. Not having any clean cups when people come over.

    12. Calling "shotgun" or "shottie." Also, following the rules of shotgun religiously.

    13. Tanks, and specifically the type with arm holes almost to the bottom.

    14. Having really bad posture, especially when they're sitting on their couch checking their phone.

    15. Opening beer bottles in creative ways.

    16. Singing along to "Party In The USA."

    17. Those black Nike socks.

    18. Protein, and having a giant jug of protein powder on top of their refrigerator.

    19. Roadies (the drink kind).

    20. Saying they can make all the foul shots LeBron misses.


    21. Vitamin Water, and also mixing it with vodka.

    22. Getting snacks at the gas station.

    23. Driving a car that gets really bad mileage.

    24. Tailgating, shotgunning at tailgates, and cornhole.

    25. Gratuitous "progress" gym selfies.

    26. Posing in group shots with their arms around their friends, chin tilted up, and throwing up some kind of sign.

    27. Playing pranks by the pool and filming them for Vines.

    28. Snapple and Nantucket Nectar.


    29. Taking pictures with their "old man," both with beers in hand.

    30. Going boating, or going to the lake.

    31. Eating cereal at totally random times of the day.

    32. The Fat Jewish, Fuck Jerry, and WorldStarHipHop.

    33. Not having the white iPhone.

    34. Calling Coachella "Bro-chella."

    35. Having a favorite European soccer team.

    36. Dunking on a basketball hoop that has been lowered to basically head-level.

    37. Announcing to the entire room that "I CALLED AN UBER!"

    38. Bragging about how hard they blacked out last night.

    39. Peeing in public.

    That Moment When Peeing Feels So Good You Start Crying.

    40. Saying they "like rap" and only listening to Drake, Eminem, Jay-Z, and Biggie.

    41. And most of all, calling America "'MURICA!!!"