SM: Hey Kanye! It's me Samir. Just one person. I am not a group of people.
Uuuuum... hi everybody!
SM: Yeezy. Buddy. Pal. What is the most important thing to you?
Family
SM: Has life become easier ever since you became famous?
No matter what level you're at in life there is still a struggle
SM: What's the first thing that comes to mind when you see the 😍emoji?
All positive energy
SM: You just dropped TLOP, when is your next album coming out?
New album coming this summer
SM: Can you believe Justin Bieber did a collaboration with Diplo and Skrillex?
Welcome to pop culture!!!
SM: What was your fav song last year?
What do you mean by @JustinBieber was my favorite song of 2015
SM: I need to be honest with you, Ma$e is one of my fav rappers.
every rapper is somebody’s favorite…
SM: I know you have had a lot of feelings lately surrounding the Grammys. I'd like you to pretend like you are looking in a mirror and say something to the people of the Grammys. Get all your feelings out. Don't be scared.
Hi Grammys this is the most important living artist talking.
I saw Zoolander 2 for the 2nd time
SM: Huh. OK moving on. When you buy someone a present do you wrap it or do you put it in one of those gift bags?
I'm not a rapper.
SM: What's your favorite fact about Utah?
Utah has eliminated homelessness by 91%
SM: Is the rumor true that Puff Daddy invented good Chinese food in 2001?
There would be no MSG without @iamdiddy my OG. He fought this war 15 years ago. Respect OG.
SM: What did you think about the Dexter finale?
Dexter didn't feel he even had a chance of winning and he was right!!!
SM: Do you have anything to say to the person who invented sandwiches?
I love you. My dad loves you.
SM: If you could fix one animal in nature, which one would it be?
Ima fix wolves
SM: I have a friend who works hard and makes $350 a day, can you beat that?
I have a friend who works really hard and makes $370 dollars a day…
SM: Damn $370? Nice. Next Q: Studies show detecting cervical cancer early gives a woman a greater chance to be cured.
That is one of the reasons I respect the paps so much.
SM: Are you personally rich and can you buy furs and houses for your family?
Yes I am personally rich and I can buy furs and houses for my family
SM: I am going to ask you two fill-in-the-blank questions. First one: BLANK BLANK invest 1 billion dollars into BLANK BLANK BLANK.
Mark Zuckerberg invest 1 billion dollars into Kanye West ideas
SM: Damn that's good. Next question: BLANK BLANK can I please redesign the BLANK BLANK.
Steve Ballmer can I please redesign the Clippers mascot
SM: I love video games and old consoles. Remember Neo Geo?
Blazing Lazers was probably my favorite game on that console …
SM: Oh yes I loved that game! I used to play it all the time at mom's house.
We actually played Spy Hunter at my mom’s house!!!
SM: I think that was a Nintendo game?
correction, the name of the Neo Geo game I was referring to was The Super Spy
SM: Thought so. Did you ever talk to anybody about the Boxing + Titanic movie script you wrote?
I have to call @FloydMayweather and @LeoDicaprio, I spoke to @MikeTyson yesterday
SM: Last question and I'll let you go. Want to thank you for spending all this time with me the past couple of months and good luck in the future.
You have supported me since the beginning and I'm so happy to call you my friend!!!
SM: Aw, thanks Ye. That means a lot to me. OK last Q: Did Elaine fake her orgasms with Jerry?
Fake Fake Fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake … just my analysis
Disclaimer: This is.... not a real interview with Kanye West.