What Your Favorite Pizza Topping Actually Says About You
Anchovies to the left.
"There's no way a normal and sane person could like anchovies."
"If you order anchovies on your pizza, I'm just going to assume you have someone locked in your basement."
"They never eat pizza in company."
"And they definitely eat it with a fork and knife."
"Very, very slowly."
"I feel like people who like JUST pepperoni though aren't very adventurous."
"Yeah, you're pretty normal."
"If you have other choices and you go for pepperoni, you probably have boring sex."
"It's kind of even more safe than cheese. Like, 'hey, if the cheese is bad at least i'll have my 'ronis.'"
"You like to look cool in front of other people if you pick peppers and onions."
"You're not a romantic at all, because who will kiss that??"
"I feel like that's a selfish pizza."
"Why you doin' that to pizza, if you put olives on a pizza, you are a criminal."
"People who prefer olives are just lost."
"Possibly were raised in a forest by deer, and got rescued at like 9 but never fully adjusted to society."
"They just want to be loved."
"If you order a meat lover's, you're making a statement. Which is: 'I don't give a fuck.'"
"These people get meat sweats real bad I bet."
"They grab life by the balls, and they wear sweatpants all the time."
"Don't mind having the poos."
"They probably score their burps."
"And then high five after them."
"Meat lover's pizza people probably have a shirt they eat pizza in."
"I personally do not like pineapple on my pizza but I, like, have a lot of respect for people who do."
"Because they're courageous! They just wanna feel good and be happy."
"They're so cool!"
"People who like mushrooms are sad inside."
"Getting JUST mushrooms maybe means you fucked up somewhere in the past."
"They don't know their self-worth."
"These people like getting ahead in life without biting off more than they can chew."
"Bacon people are probably going to die early due to a heart attack brought on by bacon pizza."
"They're like the person who wants 'ronis but wants to seem cooler. So they're like 'hey, I'm on that bacon trend.' But it's actually more sad than the 'ronis, because they don't know it is so basic."
"Probably have lots of ironic T-shirts and beards."
"People who get extra cheese are making POINTLESS decisions and are going NOWHERE in life."
"They think they're being cute by emphasizing JUST how much 'cheese is their life' or whatever."
"People who like extra cheese should never be allowed to make decisions for your friend group."
"Why would you put spinach on a pizza, who are you fooling."
"I feel like they get their hopes up high and then smashed."
"They're champions, but it's very risky."
"But they're willing to take that risk! Spinach people know what's up."
"They'd be the sad, shy kid who's parents forget his birthday."
"The life of the party."
"BBQ chicken people are opulent."
"They know how to DO an unconventional pizza."
"People who order veggie lover's potentially just want to eat salad, so they should probably just get a salad."
"They talk too much."
"They're kind of clingy and need to feel included."
"The people who keep talking to you while you're trying to eat."
"Who puts tomato on a pizza? So the tomato can lay atop the blood of its fallen comrades?"
"Don't ever let them hold your baby."
"Meatball is a total dad pizza."
"Super bros who just want to show off how bro-y they are."
"They tuck their shirts into their sweatpants."
"They might've given up on life because this feels like a quick way to die."
"And they don't mind drinking warm beer."
"They like asking people if they know what a margherita pizza is so they can explain it to people."
"They feel like they are above pizza but will never admit it out loud."
"Super classy and refined. Maybe a bit cocky because they're not afraid to order that in public."
"I didn't even know people put artichokes on pizza."
"People who order cheese don't need to impress anyone."
"No need for fancy things."
"You're a people pleaser."
"Basic, capital B."