1.
Every relationship is a lesson. Like one of my exes taught me how to download YouTube videos. Other taught me how to update iOS. All good.
2.
Wonder when maid looks at me when I'm working out and thinks, bhen ki lodi, khud jhaadoo poncha karegi toh yeh sab karne ki zaroorat nahin
3.
In real life, the only Titanic pose a man ever does is when he's being frisked at malls.
4.
he: can I call you? she: no, mummy ghar pe hain. he: but tum to hostel mein ho na? she: haan, par mummy to ghar pe hain na.
5.
Sup geometry
6.
What's your multiple orgasm style?
7.
When a cockroach gets inside your bra
8.
when u finally arrive at a decision that all the voices in ur head agree with
9.
To-do list: Checking available usernames for gmail account before naming my kids.
10.
There are hugs,and then there are lag-ja-gale-ke-phir-ye-haseen-raat-ho-na-ho hugs.
11.
Behind every ":D" there is a "ok now lets stop the conversation here"
12.
While searching for one soulmate, you will find many assholemates
13.
People say that marriage brings spice, tears, happiness, flavour & taste to life. I believe paani-puri does a better job at cheaper cost.
14.
Me: I'll never speak to that jerk again. Inner me: aise bolte hain apne hone wale bachche ke papa ke baare mein.
15.
So, basically you keep muttering to yourself "what am I doing with my life" from age 20 to 30 and then you give up right?
16.
*one day before marriage* Parents: Don't talk to the groom. Don't see him. Don't think. *one day after marriage* Parents: BABIES, BABIESS!
17.
When you're at the gynecologist's clinic.
18.
How to stay single all your life: Tinder edition
19.
My aunt's nickname for her husband is 'listen'.
20.
So what if Kim K can balance a glass on her ass..Indian men can balance the whole tea set on their bellies. #ChaiNashtaTable
21.
It is quite okay to be a dick if everyone around you sucks.
22.
Indian mothers have the cure for gluten allergy and lactose intolerance. It's called "ek thappad padega toh sab khaya jaaega!"
23.
Date a taller guy. He'll always see you from the angle you take a selfie from .
24.
Mere saamne waali khidki mein, ek bhen ka lauda rehta hai.
25.
Dad's speed of changing TV channel during a kiss scene is faster than the guy telling "Mutual fund investments are subject to market risk"
26.
mom: save money, work out more, find a boy, get health checkups, be an adult me: I would very much like to be excluded from this narrative
27.
Of course I have friends! All 10 seasons of them!
28.
*Going through my contact list* Dad: Beta, yeh jo Tinder surname waale hai matlab woh kaunsi caste ke hote hai?