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    18 Tweets From This Weekend That Everyone's Dying At

    The dad text...

    Here are some funny tweets from this weekend for anyone who might need a laugh, a distraction, or just something light to read. Enjoy and stay safe.

    Be sure to follow these Twitter users for an A+ timeline.


    English teachers to their favorite students

    Twitter: @KoenigAdam


    Ok I’m on the way to the hospital for them to induce me into labor! They said eat a good breakfast because “once you’re here we will NOT feed you.” hoping diet coke and cheese puffs count

    Twitter: @ElyKreimendahl


    He’s fighting for his life in there

    Twitter: @king_james019


    Twitter: @meghara

    Context: Megha Rajagopalan had just won a Pulitzer.


    my girlfriend has an exfoliating brush i used in the shower today and it turns out girls have just been sanding themselves like an old table

    Twitter: @c_roach4


    Thinking about the first time I ever clicked the “interested in women” setting on Bumble and the first person it showed me was my therapist

    Twitter: @chaotic_sub


    New York is back…I know this bc I feel toxic and horrible

    Twitter: @Rachel_Sennott


    Twitter: @jvn


    Deleting dating apps so I can find love the old fashioned way (being locked in a tower until an ogre and his donkey come and rescue me)

    Twitter: @Perry__Gould


    Twitter: @gabebergado


    would love to stay in tonight & watch a movie. maybe order some dumplings. just take it easy. unfooooortunately, that would feel like "wasting my 20's" and "missing out on life" so i will instead stop by three parties in opposite parts of town one of which i need a costume for <3

    Twitter: @calebsaysthings


    Is your child texting about critical race theory?

    Twitter: @nhuyngo

    Context: Conservatives are trying to get critical race theory banned from being taught in schools, so now it's a meme.


    “You’re so funny” thanks I was ugly growing up

    Twitter: @alyssa_schoener


    when new music leeks >>>>

    Twitter: @FierceMajeure


    Last night I kept saying “THIS WINE TASTES LIKE OLIVE OIL” and this morning it would appear that the bottle I was drinking from, was in fact, olive oil. Bye.

    Twitter: @HarperRoseD


    fuck u ice cream man i know you saw me

    Twitter: @climaxximus


    Twitter: @miseryroute


    Twitter: @Reflog_18

    Love reading tweets from the weekend? We've got plenty of those posts here!

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