1.
me: men on dating apps: LOOKING FOR MY PARTNER IN CRIME. A DOWN TO EARTH GIRL. LETS SKIP THE SMALLTALK AND GO STRAIGHT TO A FIRST DATE. ALL BAR ONE. PLANNING MY NEXT TRIP TO SOUTH AMERICA. WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET. NANDOS. SIX PHOTOS OF ME TAKEN FROM BELOW. ARCTIC MONKEYS.
2.
millennial dating u: hey wyd wednesday them: working to survive. wyd saturday u: being tired from working to survive then laundry them: nice
3.
Me: why am I single Me: declines every date, takes 3-5 business days to answer text, shows no emotion, can't parallel park
4.
This is me on the first date knowing they’re going to ruin my life, but I’m lowkey into that
5.
*opened 6 mins ago* Me: https://t.co/vpXrGEtNUP
6.
pls don’t flirt w me, i’m not tryna cheat on my crush who don’t like me
7.
Why doesn’t anybody love me the way people on Catfish love strangers who won’t video chat
8.
me trying to explain exclusivity to the guys i’m talking to
9.
I just swiped right on so many girls without getting a match that I looked around to see if I was on a subway without service.
10.
me when the 3 guys i’m talking to wants to see me on the same day
11.
me talking to my friends about every guy i’ve ever talked to
12.
me: i need to show them they can’t keep putting no effort in. they hurt my feelings and now i’ll be distant crush: hi me: hey 💖💘💕💘💖💗💗💓💓💖💘💕💘💖💗💗💞💞💓💗💕💝💝💞💞💓💗💖💘💖💓💞
13.
Me on the Valentines Day pretending to be shocked at the flowers,roses & chocolate outside my door that i put there
14.
according to my calculations ━━━━━ ━━ ┃ im totally ┃ ┃ unlovable ┃ ┃ ┃ └━━━━━━ ┘ 7 ┃ 8┃ 9┃ / ┃ ━┛━┛━. |━ ┛ 4 ┃5 ┃6 ┃ + ┃ ━┛━┛━┛━ ┛ 1 ┃ 2 ┃ 3 ┃ = ┃ ━┛━┛━┛━ ┛
15.
me when a guy won’t commit to me after 2 dates #TheBachelor
16.
me watching someone post on their story without texting me back
17.
cute guy: *looks at me for more than 2 seconds* me:
18.
i don’t get how u cheat on a significant other. like how do you get 2 different ppl to like u. how
19.
There’s plenty of fish in the sea but you know what else there is? TRASH. There is a lot of trash in the sea.
20.
Day 329 without sex: I went to Starbucks just so I could hear somebody scream my name
21.
If you’re on a first date and make the other person laugh, I think a good thing to ask right after that is “Do you like me?”
22.
"hey I saw you on tinder but we didn't match so I found your instagram you're so beautiful you don't need to wear all that makeup ahah I bet you get a lot of creepy dm's but I'm not like all those other guys message me back beautiful btw whats your snap"
23.
*gets ghosted* Me: thank you for the 15-day free trial
24.
things u have to ask a white guy on a first date (1) have u punched a hole in a wall (2) have u ever killed an animal just for fun
25.
[first date] her: i like nice guys me: [remembers girls like bad boys] shut the fuck up
26.
To be clear 1 time a tinder guy was coming over n I didn’t have time to fully clean my apt so when he came I told him that I had recently been robbed
27.
The best part of a relationship is the very beginning when you haven't met yet and your still single