1.
I consider page 2 of google results the dark web.
2.
my coworker called in (yet again) and said she had a nail on her tire that caused her to have a flat. i need everyone to stop what they’re doing and ZOOM IN TO THE NAIL IN THE PICTURE SHE SENT MY BOSS
3.
Dam i need me a freak like grandpa joe 🤭😳😏
4.
What's the biggest problem you have with your name? My biggest problem? Me: "Hi, I'm Marcus. Nice to meet you." Business people: "Hi, Marcus. Do you go by Mark?" Me: "No. If I did then don't you think I'd introduce myself as that?"
5.
first time completing a puzzle... this shit is easyyyy
6.
1 minute before the museum closes
7.
Gmail when you sign in with an unauthorised device https://t.co/K5iELTquaR
8.
mood
9.
hang it up flatscreen
10.
lol
11.
Me explaining to my kid that all their uncles and aunts are just my old friends who been loyal since day one https://t.co/I17NmlQ7Zm
12.
When you tell somebody you’re ticklish and they like “oooo let me see” https://t.co/Zr3RmkdsCT
13.
me pressing “accept cookies” knowing exactly nothing of what they are https://t.co/qsYgiUPYdb
14.
Little kids tryna make sure you see them coughing
15.
be honest babe did he do timed multiplications tests faster than me?
16.
when I’m already up and one of my alarms goes off when I’m getting ready
17.
just me or has this mf been 13 for ten years https://t.co/WgdfubiKza
18.
just smoke one of these and forget about her bro