Here are some funny tweets from this week for anyone who might need a laugh, a distraction, or just something light to read. Enjoy and stay safe.
Be sure to follow these Twitter users!
1.
apples are a pretty mid fruit until im eating a really good one and then they're rapturous and transcendent and ambrosial and ive never experienced a fruit this good. and then i finish the apple and apples aren't that good again
2.
how long could a doctor leave you in an exam room before you considered like, popping your head out to ask what’s going on. for me i think about seven hours
3.
Today
4.
Just had this legend of a taxi driver. 👏
5.
cher tweeting about politics one single day after she said she’d stop
6.
My brain cannot learn what Grimes’ face looks like
7.
if my wife makes 6 figures my place is in the kitchen, it’s called cooKING not cookQUEEN for a reason
8.
I think my boyfriend is a fan of music festivals now @theestallion
9.
I did not peak in high school, in fact I was ugly the entire time I was there
10.
Same, Zendaya. Same.
11.
The first time I ever went to a strip club I was holding a dollar out for one of the girls and she crawled over, grabbed the dollar, and whispered in my ear “thanks sweetie but this isn’t a drag show, you just throw the money here.”
12.
Sex scenes in movies
13.
https://t.co/LV9afsieeY
14.
impressing college kids is so easy, all you have to do is not be broke. I bought my sister and her friend drinks at a bar last night and they looked at me like I had just cured world hunger
15.
In England “booster shot” is spelled “borchestershire shot”
16.
The right gas station meal can be so healing.. but the wrong gas station meal can set u back emotionally by years if not decades
17.
dont ever day “its giving ___ vibes” about me. im not giving any energy. im taking energy away. im a negative force in this world. im evil
18.
Look at that view man