1.
Anyone recognise this hair? Found it on my man’s pillow
2.
For a couple of days my cat had been showing signs of dying, not drinking, not eating, sleeping and hiding. So I go to the vets today and the vet straight up said. “He looks like he got into a fight and he’s depressed he lost, his vitals are fine”. I CANT WITH THIS CAT LMAOO
3.
Don’t be funnier than me in my replies or I’ll delete the whole tweet. Now no one gets to laugh
4.
One time I ate so much Trader Joe’s tzaziki while I was babysitting that the next day there was a post-it note on it that said “for the kids only” and that’s just one beautiful beautiful moment in my colorful history
5.
leaving the fake in 2019 💯
6.
the way i just screamed
7.
Why them pants look like that one soccer ball everyone has but doesn't know where it's from https://t.co/gughZ0iOQr
8.
i relate to wikipedia’s ethos of being a useful resource while also constantly pleading for help
9.
fellas is it gay to sit comfortably https://t.co/Ec6XglVFmr
10.
In 2020, please normalize: -body hair on women -men being feminine -cannibalism -same sex parents -they/them pronouns -being single -eating the flesh of human beings -satanism -consuming billionaires whole -women being sexual -men crying -cannibalistic rituals -not wanting kids
11.
who did this? 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀
12.
Me explaining to my family that working from home doesn’t mean I’m free https://t.co/wRwDBFSQqO
13.
me after being yelled at by an adult https://t.co/aprT6rzcsg
14.
do you think men twitch so much in their sleep because their bodies can’t handle not saying something stupid for that long so it finds another way to be annoying
15.
me saying goodbye to waking up at 1pm and sleeping at 2am once school starts
16.
simba: my uncle murdered my dad pumbaa: sheesh lol simba: then he blamed me for it timon: yikes. have u tried just not fucken worrying about it lmao