1.
I just found my old diary from when I was 9 and by god I was an idiot
2.
this is the look i genuinely thought joe jonas was going to see me wear and fall in love with me in 2008
3.
My divorced parents had this text exchange on Father’s Day and I’m horrified
4.
Me explaining to ⠀ ⠀ ⠀My cat my cat that I ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀pretending won’t tell anyone ⠀⠀ ⠀he cant speak if he can speak
5.
Imagine looking out the window and seeing the exterminator do this in front of your house
6.
i never in my life thought i’d see michelle obama hit harry styles in the dick with a dodgeball but hey god works in mysterious ways
7.
Me @ the scholastics book fair in elementary school wishing my mom sent me with more money
8.
"I can't, too busy": - no one believes you - tired - allows for future invitations "I can't. Not since the accident" - mysterious - fresh - prevents future invitations
9.
The guy I dated in 8th grade sung this to me over the phone and his mom was listening on the other end and busted out laughing when he was finished lmaoooooooo house phones were the devil 💀 https://t.co/LJumJDEXQO
10.
Jesus on Christmas Eve: https://t.co/tOaTJNT2D8
11.
bro the first few weeks of pokémon go was the closest we’ve ever been to world peace
12.
yes mom ill be back at 11 me coming back at 3am: https://t.co/DfeL4RCk3t
13.
Wowww just had to unfollow OJ. He’s funny on twitter but give him a google and you will NOT like him anymore
14.
my family going through my phone after i die:
15.
50 worse than the IRS lmao https://t.co/1eTPzSK2pU
16.
god watching me parallel park: https://t.co/fKOdOKDVle
