1.
me: I will not be awkward today someone: hey me: good, thanks
2.
3.
oompa loompas showing me a picture of willy wonka during a tour of the factory
4.
almost 22 years ago 2 people had sex and now i have to go to work everyday
5.
high school teachers: your college professors won’t be nearly as laid back as I am my college professor:
6.
I use Pedialyte so much for hangovers that I forgot it was used for anything else. Just saw a baby drinking it and my first thought was damn this baby is sloppy as shit hungover on a Monday morning
7.
I just ate a piece of candy corn and black licorice together and now I can see sounds
8.
So Kylie breaks up with Travis, Travis drops HITR and a week later Kylie drops her hit single "Rhïyse eñ Shìńë" which ultimately kick-starts her music career? Smells like another Kris Jenner masterclass to me idk idk
9.
me at the club meeting my best friend‘s fuck buddy knowing everything about his skills in bed including dick size, stamina and duration
10.
robert downey jr is literally a trained dancer and yet this is the only move he does
11.
I donated $10 to @ewarren yesterday and a gay man on her campaign called to thank me... she really has a plan for everything...a man finally called me
12.
me looking around class to see if I’m the only one who doesn’t get it
13.
After i say “ that’s crazy “ twice, please wrap up ur story
14.
. @Ninja who are you
15.
Me bringing up trauma on the first date
16.
oh you like music? name every song
17.
Straight line: _______________________________ Dashed line: ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ Girl from my high school who thinks she's an influencer: ------------------------------