1.
The AirPod fell out of my ear several feet away from the edge of the subway platform, but I’ve never seen anything more inevitable. RIP little buddy. Thanks for all the podcasts.
2.
gays: we want new music!!! pop queens:
3.
(opening my god damn email) there better not be any god damn emails in here
4.
if you take a nyquil and a dayquil at the same time your immune system takes a screenshot
5.
Me getting the star in mario kart
6.
Footage of me drunk af last night applying concealer to my lips thinking it was lip gloss I love myself
7.
applying my under eye cream before bed knowing I will wake up with the same dark circles I’ve always had
8.
nobody: the music industry after lady gaga debuted:
9.
me fighting with my guardian angels after they accidentally let me catch feelings for someone who doesn't like me
10.
An 89 degree angle talking to a 90 degree angle:
11.
What a fucking king
12.
i hate job recruiters. what the fuck is a “cover letter”? bitch i’ll kill you
13.
Wendy a hot girl y’all lol https://t.co/ThBxirER6C
14.
Mom with the big questions. https://t.co/xbrhg8utpS
15.
me after waking up with 0 notifications
16.
??????????????????????????? https://t.co/UsYxEiRiyZ
17.
I was 12 ready to kill a husband I ain’t even have https://t.co/Jwem83ySmN
18.
girls be crying over a dude who reads at a 3rd grade level. he's not ignoring your text, he's sounding it out. give him a second.
19.
When the doctor showed my mom my ultrasound