On Friday, Reddit user u/DoctorRabidBadger asked people, "What seems like a good thing in a relationship, but you've learned is really a red flag?" People came through with some A+ examples of stuff we really shouldn't glamorize, but instead look out for.
Here's what people said:
1. "Being the center of someone else's universe. It seemed romantic to me as a teen. As an adult, I understand that it is generally a nightmare and a red flag."
2. "An 'I’ll do anything for you' type of person. No, no, no! Have boundaries!"
3. "The idea of spending every free moment with someone is suffocating. Like, I like you too, but it's OK if we don't talk or text for a day or two or see each other for a few. It's called having a life outside of a relationship."
4. "When they say, 'All my exes are crazy.' Like, no, you are the common denominator."
5. "Someone who always agrees with you. They're lying."
6. "When I was younger, so many people told me that frequent fights were necessary and a sign of passion in a relationship. Now that I’m older, I’ve come to find that frequent fighting often means partners are failing to communicate, and things that could be resolved through conversation are left to fester until they explode into those fights."
7. "The following phrases are red flags: 'I need you,' 'I can't live without you,' and 'I don't need anyone else in my life.' Basically any iteration of an over-devotion to the other person, aka love-bombing. Everyone needs some form of family, friends, hobbies, work-life balance, personal fulfillment, etc. You cannot sustain a healthy and happy life when your world revolves around one individual."
8. "Cracking jokes at your expense and disregarding your feelings as just being sensitive. They're only a comedian when it comes to making fun of you — that sucks."
9. "When he’s confessing his deepest darkest secrets to me early. 'WOW, he must really trust me.' Well yeah, but also his deepest darkest secrets just revealed he has major issues and make him seem like a horrible person. RED FLAG! But, 'Poor him, he’s so misunderstood. I’m the only one that can understand him. 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️'"
10. "When your partner never lets you pay for anything. Always have ownership of something — if not, if they leave, you're left with nothing."
11. "When their parents have a key to their apartment or home. You are never getting privacy over there."
12. "When they say, 'You are the reason why I’m happy.' Yikes, how about one of the reasons?"
13. "When they constantly offer 'helpful' but unsolicited advice on what you could or should do. From how to spend your money, to how to wear your hair, to what clothes you should be in, to exercise and weight loss — all under the guise of being helpful or concerned."
14. "When they give you way too much freedom. I had an ex that never cared where I went, who I went with, or when and never questioned how late I stayed out, and he expected the same from me. It started to make me feel like I wasn’t in a relationship at all, and that we were just roommates that shared a bed."
And finally:
15. "Discussing your future baby names a few short months into dating 🤮."
Did they miss anything? Which red relationship red flags do people glamorize/gloss off/not notice? Let me know in the comments below!
Note: Responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.