1.
I like men who are on twitter because it shows me that they can read
2.
3.
Y’all..... why would my kid say this 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
4.
I'm beginning to think my landlord has a different relationship with the rent payment than I do
5.
me when i catch baby yoda
6.
[as a lawyer] me: "permission to approach the bench, your honor" judge: "granted" me, whispering: "are you mad at me?"
7.
When customers come in 6 hours before closing
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me: spotify wrapped:
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“You got my name wrong.” https://t.co/99IA3XykLK
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When I turned in my assignment and I know it was trash but I’m just happy I turned it in https://t.co/kVOBVbDiWb
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your mom https://t.co/e1VFKac4YR
12.
Luke, are you in a headspace to receive information which could possibly hurt you
13.
apple music users logging into twitter and seeing everyone posting their 2019 spotify wrapped results
14.
holy infant chicken wings 🤝 tender and mild
15.
My macbook staring at me while I force it to download the same class syllabus for the 80th time this year, just to see one detail
16.
This is just the absolute worst advent calendar I’ve ever gotten
17.
winter is just me asking my body "are you sick?" and my body being like "maybe ;)"