1.
Once upon a time, this guy id been flirting with came over to watch Shrek 2 with his arm around me until 5 AM and then just promptly left, leaving me more bamboozled than any other man ever has. This is what I now call "getting Shrek 2ed", my contribution to the English language
2.
So I had to do something for my ceramic class and this is the results... I’m so sorry😔
3.
Someone: Im in town! New Yorkers: OMFG!! That’s so great! Have fun!!!!
4.
hm
5.
our history teacher asked us to create a timeline of events we know off the top of our head. I was the first at the board
6.
guys help me which perfume should i get?? im so confused
7.
me practicing how I’m going to ask my boyfriend to stick his balls in soy sauce to see if he can taste anything bc I read about it on twitter
8.
one time i was my college’s mascot for a basketball game. emphasis on one time
9.
Me calling Chili’s to make a dinner reservation for my bachelor party:
10.
wish it was
11.
A plank minute is different from a regular minute https://t.co/4iBnkiEszo
12.
Oh shit...
13.
if my boo seeing this
14.
my mom forcing me out my room to properly greet every guest at a family gathering https://t.co/iw0PtzWmAT
15.
Me in the mall asking my mom for another quarter to get a bouncy ball because I lost the first one
16.
ATTENTION harry styles FANS I accidentally bought love on tour tickets on the same day as my dads funeral they cost me $1,000. If anyone wants to go take my place for FREE it’s going to be at the Community Life Center his name is maybe Leo I’ve never met him dm me
17.
My friends: “you want another shot?” Me already drunk af: