Here are some funny tweets from this weekend for anyone who might need a laugh, a distraction, or just something light to read. Enjoy and stay safe.
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1.
was showing my 3 year old how to roast a chicken; ie spreading butter, herbs, shoving lemons inside and she said “he doesn’t even know what’s going on. he’s dead.”
2.
what if we kissed on the purely decorative Popeyes balcony
3.
Waitress said “wow” after I ordered
4.
i hate people that say “it’s too early to be eating that” WHAT TIME DO A STOMACH OPEN?
5.
if the bag is matte the chips are healthy
6.
the euphoria font being the same as the ellen show's is absolutely sending me
7.
My air fryer arrives today. I just know this will be thing that saves my marriage.
8.
Someone keeps stealing my packages so I made them a zine, asking them to stop and explain themselves, and put it in a decoy package. Stay tuned and more pics below👇
9.
cinema.
11.
Yeah I have NFTs. Natural Fat Titties and a Nice Firm Tooter did I already tweet this? Seems too easy. Should I go to med school
12.
I like when men explain basic things to me because in my mind it’s not mansplaining, it’s more like when a toddler is really excited to tell you about dinosaurs and you’re like that’s right cutie! you’re so smart!! only one of us is being condescending and it’s me
13.
De brie was all over the floor https://t.co/DsAPvOjZU9
14.
love when a website texts me a little code, da vinci vibes
15.
“we are the most diverse frat on campus” https://t.co/Np7nJbtqET
16.
when guys pee do they hold it like a joint or like a cigarette
17.
When I worked front desk at a studio A$AP came in and I didn't realize who he was so I asked him to sign in on the sheet and he said "A$AP?" and I said "yes now if you wouldn't mind" and he smiled and didn't make fun of me so yes he'll be a great dad