Skip To Content
  • Viral badge

People Are Sharing Nonobvious Red Flags In Friendships And It's Super Useful

FYI: Friends don't always have to agree with you.

On Saturday, redditor u/1-800-shankyou asked, "What is a nonobvious red flag in a friendship?"

People shared examples of things to really look out for in your friendships. Some of these things I never would've realized, but they're super true. Here's what they said:

1. "Always one-upping. This doesn’t refer to sharing their own story in response to yours — that’s pretty normal. It’s more about how you can never have the focus remain on you; it always becomes about them."


2. "Asking you for stuff all the time."


3. "Treating you differently when you’re around other people — acting embarrassed, disgusted, condescending, reserved. It happened to me personally, and it took a while for me to understand it fully, but babes, don’t stick your necks out for someone who wouldn’t even lift a pinky for you."


A group of people drinking and talking a rooftop

4. "When it feels as though you do all the giving and they do all the taking."


5. "Unquestioning support. Most of my friends give each other harsh criticism and insult each other all the time, and I think we have much more trust in each other because of that."


6. "When they can't keep plans consistent. If they're consistently last-minute dropping/changing plans, then it's a sign that you're their second-best option. You're their backup if nothing else is better."


7. "Plans always have to be whatever they want, and they get sulky if you want to do something you enjoy."


Two people sitting socially distanced on two benches and talking

8. "If you always feel like shit around them."


9. "You get nervous and have to be really careful what you say because anything can set them off."


10. "Gossiping about others to you. If they do this, there's a 99% chance that they'll gossip about you behind your back."


Two people talking to each other in an office

11. "The biggest indication is when you go 'ugh' when you see their name on your phone. Think about why you have that reaction."


12. "They have another group of friends you’re never invited to hang out with, even though you invite them to hang out with your other friend groups."


13. "You always come out of an argument feeling exhausted and nothing was really solved. This CAN be obvious, but it's also easy to write off as the conversation not working out. Getting to the root of the problem is important — the people who fight against that are generally going to be pretty toxic, whether they mean to be or not."


14. "They try to get you to fight all their battles for them."


A woman whispering in another person's ear as they look at someone

15. "When they’re obsessively competitive. For example, when you share a bad experience, they say, 'That’s it?’ Then they will say that their experiences are worse."


16. "Expecting you to 100% back them, even if they're clearly in the wrong."


Do you have any examples of nonobvious red flags you look for in your friendships? Let me know in the comments below!

Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity. H/T: Reddit.