1.
Proudest moment of my life was photoshopping my tire being flat to get out of work, I really finessed
2.
"Tire rotation" yeah ill rotate my tires... by driving my car around. Fuck off
3.
Got to my dad’s house and he was showing me all the food he has for me to snack on and he goes “and I have a guacamole ball” what’s a guacamole ball you ask? well I will tell you. an avocado. He has an avocado.
4.
deciding to text my crush
5.
nobody: Gaga on The Fame Monster album cover:
6.
the actress from the Education Connection commercial
7.
alex morgan, in addition to being a world-class athlete, was also ejected from Disney World for being ripshit drunk in the daytime. an absolute legend, protect her at all costs
8.
I just wanna be shown off like a hospital bracelet on Snapchat
9.
10.
me outside a bookstore knowing damn well I have a huge unread stack of books at home
11.
12.
Me performing Ashley O’s Song at the talent show
13.
KFJSJFJXKDJ
14.
this fucked me up...
15.
whenever I’m bored I text one of my grandparents “with lasers” in iMessage and tell them their phone has a virus https://t.co/pbd4SblBLV
16.
17.
Girls on Twitter are seriously like “my ex used to burn down orphanages and beat up the elderly. My new boyfriend uses deodorant. Never settle ladies 🥰💅😘”