1.
Guy: I love you Ke$ha: dude wtf I have to take that drug test today
2.
Imagine kissing a dentist and their little devil tongue flicking around your mouth searching for cavities. A profession of psychopaths.
3.
My grandma told me she stopped smoking
4.
This man deserves a raise
5.
6.
A wedding? You mean an open bar where two people are getting married
7.
I really got his ass lmao
8.
rappers be like “i’m sippin lean u sippin water” like ok??? that’s fine bro
9.
it's all fun and games until
10.
are u okay bro? I’ve noticed u haven’t been going as hard in the motherfucking paint recently
11.
first time in subway and the worker took a picture of my order 😭😭 am I doing this wrong
12.
Me getting ready for the outing i said yes to
13.
My girlfriend left a tampon at my apartment and idk where the left one is. Anyone know where I can get a single left tampon to keep a set here for emergencies?
14.
Me: *Carries my pet to my room* My pet: https://t.co/CgyaCHjPBy
15.
bury me with a hair tie on my wrist just in case
16.
vsco girls didn't invent sksksksksk gay twitter didn't invent sksksksksk no, it was cicadas who invented sksksksksk
17.
sksksksk the dolphin screaming to its friends that it just kissed THE mariah carey https://t.co/1jTlnXeYw6
18.
So I walk into the bathroom and this girl stops me from entering the stall and says: “Sorry I couldn’t help but notice your earrings, are you from Texas??” These are the earrings I was wearing: