Buzz·Posted on Oct 20, 201817 Tweets From This Week That I Guaranteed You'll Laugh AtEnjoy.by Ryan SchocketBuzzFeed StaffLinkFacebookPinterestTwitterMail 1. alexa @playnikes my ex told me one time that i only have guy friends bc they want to fuck me and i honestly think about it all the time when i’m fucking my guy friends 10:49 PM - 14 Oct 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 2. 3. ainee f. @axfxq I love grading with my new stickers! 03:06 PM - 17 Oct 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 4. vampire style @tcryla every daft punk song is either "you're in a nightclub in france and your shirt is torn to shreds dance for your life" or "you're a robot desperate to learn what love is and come alive. you long for another being's touch be they flesh or cybernetic. it's raining." 11:34 PM - 14 Oct 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. 𝒶𝓃𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓃𝓎 @xforcades2 me: i don't like attention also me: 06:58 PM - 17 Oct 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. count chuckula 🦇🐦 @charlubby imagine you’re a moth and your single day of existence was spent being in lord of the rings 06:26 PM - 17 Oct 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 7. Sean Delaney @sdel6795 Thought I’d lost the dog there turns out av accidentally put the recliner down on him and he’s been lying inside the couch for an hour no giving a fuck 10:17 PM - 16 Oct 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 8. satomaa @ammazing_ i texted my dad saying “happy monday let’s get this bread”. his response was “i can go to Costco after work”. amazing 04:47 PM - 15 Oct 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 9. lil uzi hurt @LameAsChris 03:16 PM - 16 Oct 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 10. pubic figure @Shakira0fficiaI 07:59 PM - 16 Oct 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. jake peralta fan account @losergirl43 i wonder if people think i’m just joking when i say “idk i can’t do math” when someone asks a rlly basic number related question but the truth is i’m never joking i can never do math under any circumstance 12:28 AM - 16 Oct 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. brooke🕸🕷 @br00kee_b My dog just got surgery because he tore a ligament in his knee so they had to shave him and now you can see his lil butt crack https://t.co/SNX0QnQqwR 05:19 PM - 12 Oct 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 13. Jacob Shaw @jakesaysyousuck Why does Kid Rock look like Dr. Phil dressed up as Kid Rock 12:50 AM - 15 Oct 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 14. my_furry_babies @My_furry_babies Joeys upset that the cat pajama-jam won’t be happening HAHAHAHA 😂 @joshgnosis 08:55 AM - 15 Oct 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 15. krstl @jynxremoving every drink i make is a handcrafted beverage made with care and craft 01:30 AM - 15 Oct 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 16. Hal Rhorer @halrhorer when someone asks me "what's up with you?" 03:12 PM - 19 Oct 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 17. xavier @chazellehurwitz 09:22 AM - 12 Oct 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite