1.
if i lived in the 1800s i would be robbing everybody...no cameras what are they gonna do be mad?
2.
There was once a girl in my high school who filled a Dunkin’ Donuts cup with a Loko and got so drunk DURING SCHOOL HOURS she pissed herself in Spanish class u may think people forget the story Jackie but I can assure you they!!! do!!!! not!!!
3.
4.
when the 17th cup of coffee doesn’t give me energy and fills me with more of the same pure uncut anxiety as the first 16 cups
5.
Hayi hayi they Robed my child how could this be possible?
6.
“Here’s why that’s not healthy” https://t.co/Iiq22b5ASn
7.
for anyone who needs to see this .. no don’t cut ur fucking hair it’s not gonna solve any of ur problems dumb bitch
8.
How ironic that there are suddenly far more Marie Kondo jokes than necessary.
9.
Lady at chipotle telling me guac is extra as if she doesn’t notice these AirPods on me 🙄🙄🙄
10.
Y’all wanna get upset by the lack of seasoning on my boyfriends roommates chicken with me
11.
My grandmother has a new “friend” at her retirement community. He takes her shopping and to get her hair and nails done. She told me that his wife doesn’t mind because she has Alzheimer’s. Ma’am.
12.
hey thanks for dm’ing me a post from that meme account on instagram thats private so i couldn’t see it and had to get you to screenshot the post and send it to me and it ended up just being a screenshot of a viral tweet that i saw on twitter 3 days ago
13.
Yesterday she said "No" so am wearing my Shit 💔💔
14.
I asked TSA agent if I should take out my laptop out of its case and she said “I don’t care, I’m not getting paid”
15.
16.
Joe Jonas: high heels Nick Jonas: ʰⁱᵍʰ ʰᵉᵉˡˢ Joe Jonas: red dress Nick Jonas: Ŕ̵̹̬͙͉Ẽ̷͚̼͕̏͒̀͆̿D̷̛͓̯͈̋̓̎̚ ̴̨̳̱̖̜̀͂̀̐́̍͊̐͝ͅD̵̮̳͔̝̈́̈́̃̈̃̊͆̂́͛R̷̡͖͙̝̗̪͆̃̐̏̑̈́̈́̈́̈Ę̷͕͚͎̤͍͚̮̌̂͂̎ͅS̷̰͎͈̟̺͇̱̥̈́̒̉̉̎͑́̀̈͜͝ͅS̵̨̤̟̭̲̲̫̱̞̮͆̈̅̔̽͝͠
17.
18.
cashier: Your total is $4.97 *hands them $5* me: keep the change
19.
My husband was complaining, saying that I don't post him on social media...blah blah blah,so here he is