Thanks For Saying You’re Sorry

I’m sorry you’re a handsome loser too.

Thank you for sending me that “I’m sorry” text.

Five days later.

Honestly, I don’t really feel the need to be respected that much. It’s cool! This city is filled with available women, and I needn’t fathom the idea that I may be the only “chick” you’re interested in. That’d be crazy! I just get so silly and girly sometimes and DEMAND that when you cancel our date that you.. well, that you inform me about it.

Now that I just wrote that down- I realize how ridiculous that seems. Seriously! Sometimes just not responding to me is completely 100% fine, even if I called you to see if you were at our agreed meeting place. I know I was, but you’re right, I should’ve assumed that you weren’t going to show up.

Again, thanks for the “sorry” text. Not phone call. I don’t like those. We’re way too young and distant to bother speaking to one another. PLEASE! If we wanted to talk to each other, clearly we would have GONE ON A DATE. Thank God for technology.

So listen, of course I forgive you! In fact, I should probably apologize too. I’ve got something on my chest that I should tell you before this goes on any further.

I am SO, SO, SO sorry for liking you on our first couple of dates. You were so completely wonderful and handsome and funny. Did I mention I thought you were really handsome?

I know, I know. I’m sorry. I should not have assumed that when you called me to tell me what a great time you had last night that you had maybe actually meant as such. I also should not have agreed to go on a second date with you. If I had just said no, then it wouldn’t have put you in a position for feeling bad for not showing up. Or calling. Or texting. Or Facebooking. Because even though we have all those ways to communicate, I put you in an awkward position. I was being inconsiderate, I realize that now.

I’m so sorry. I hope that if I say that enough, you’ll know how sorry I really am about this whole situation.

I also wanted to apologize for the lazy attitude you exhibit about well, everything. I feel like an idiot for thinking you’d want to talk. Or try to get to know one another by asking general questions- I can be really selfish like that.

But mostly, I’m so sorry you’re a handsome loser. I’m sorry you are too big of a tool to be a decent human being. I wish I could change that.

But I can’t! I wish I could help you! You’re just too much of an average, average, average mid-twenties kid with too much time on his hands and money in his pockets.

But you are handsome, and even though I couldn’t be the girl who took your crap, I’m sure you’ll find someone who will.

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