1.
Me: *accidentally types url wrong one time* Navigation Bar: [every day for 15 years] Do you wanna go to Faceboot t… https://t.co/mNgHkp73qi
2.
imagine trying to learn english and finding out that butt dialing and booty calls are two different things
3.
Number one, why these shits so hard to open? Number two, they loud as hell. Whole fuckin country know you tryna get… https://t.co/BNOlmCD47o
4.
southerners: this snow is so pretty! northerners: this isn't even a real snow- just you wait. i was born in an iglo… https://t.co/nn192ocUMZ
5.
me in 5th grade: if i can go on the computer today thatd be neat me now: if im not scrolling twitter while i brush my teeth im going to die
6.
You have to respect the fact that Craigslist hasn’t updated the look of their site in 20 years. They’re like if you… https://t.co/yM33YegeuA
7.
my mom yesterday: do u work tomorrow me: yes my mom today: do u work today me: yes i already told u my mom when i'm at work: where are u
8.
Yeah sex is cool but have you ever closed 15 tabs after finishing a project
9.
2 funny brushing ur teeth next to some1 :))) who’s gonny stop brushing first? Who cares more abt brushing teeth? Da… https://t.co/kNI2a3OF3D
10.
you guys ever have a tweet that underperforms commercially but then like two really cool people on the timeline fav… https://t.co/QVZ5XjjWkz
11.
Packing for uni and my mum tries to throw out my Christmas jumper as "you hardly ever wear it". Aye, cause it's hardly ever Christmas mate
12.
We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it's fun to not be able to open that drawer.
13.
me: skincare! my other organs: please help us .
14.
hate when people say "if u think this is better than sex, u haven't had good sex!", like no, maybe you've just never had good lasagna, Carol
15.
Every time I drive in the rain, I check other drivers wipers just to see if I'm being too dramatic with mine 😂
16.
17.
Adult friendship = 2 people saying "I haven't seen you in forever! We should really hang out more" over and over again until one of you dies
18.
I NEED TO KNOW WHY EVERYONE SAID I COULD SAVE MONEY BRINGIN LUNCH TO WORK ITS 9:43 I ATE THE LUNCH NOW I HAVE TO BU… https://t.co/yxJNny90Mg
19.
Alvin “AND” The Chipmunks? Motherfucker, you’re a chipmunk too!
20.
its mad to think that if you buy a triple sandwich at Tesco, someone else is eating the other half of the same sandwich
21.
As his name is not "Biggest Bird", we are to understand that Sesame Street is home to at least one, perhaps more, truly immense unseen birds
22.
honestly last night someone asked me if crabs think we walk sideways n a havent stopped thinkin about it since
23.
Mad when someone holds like 3 doors in a row for ya n you've gotta change up your way of thanking them each time. "Thanks, cheers, nice one"
24.
Any 2 white guys could walk up to me and say "we're The Chainsmokers" and I'd believe them.
25.
Game of Thrones, at its core, has always been a show about how much it sucks to be a horse