1.One of your closest friends tells you he wants you to be his best man on the most important day of his life.
2.Things get pretty emotional for a while.
3.Then you realise the job is not simply a prize-giving ceremony for being the best friend in the world and may involve some work.
4.First up: Start planning the stag do, and whether or not to dress the groom up like a massive penis.
5.Months and months in advance, you get told loads of wedding preparation stuff you're supposed to remember so you can help on the big day.
6.... Like what colour mankini to get him.
7.And whether this is entirely appropriate.
9.Of course, if anyone asks if you have anything inappropriate planned for the stag do and the speech, you laugh it off.
10.And you keep reassuring the groom everything is going to be OK.
11.When it comes to actually writing the damn speech though, you don't know where to start.
12.In your mind it should be a combination of this:
14.On the big day you're tasked with making sure everyone is having the best time possible.
15.And that everything and everybody is where they should be.
16.You quote this scene from Old School all morning, thinking everyone will find it hilarious.
17.Later you decide to have a few drinks to calm the nerves before the speech, but accidentally get a bit too tipsy.
18.And fear this is how everything is going to play out.
19.But actually the speech goes OK, and you end with an overwhelming desire to hug your buddy. Forever.
20.As the "best" man at the wedding you take it upon yourself to dominate the dance floor for hours and hours and hours.
21.You stay on "best man duty" through the evening until the mixture of booze and excitement catches up with you, and, content the groom has had the greatest day, pass out in an epic state of drunkenness.