I’m Chronically Sick, And These Are My Best Tips For A Vibrant Sex Life

    Just because I can’t have sex the way I used to doesn’t mean I can’t have it at all.

    I first fell sick in 2013, and then I fell really sick in 2015. Scores of doctors couldn’t explain what was wrong (unless you count “too emotional” as a valid medical diagnosis), and so I slowly began to come to terms with my new reality — my new normal, if you will (chronic illness, if you won’t).

    Here are some things I’ve learned and unlearned along the way:

    1. Let go of the “before."

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    2. Pillows are lifesavers.

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    3. Communication is always key.

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    4. How much you reveal — and when — is completely up to you. There are no rules.

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    5. Pleasure and care are not opposites.

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    6. Sex toys are your friends, not your enemies.

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    7. Taking breaks can be sexy too.

    8. Remember, “peak performance” is a (capitalist) myth.

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    9. And most importantly, never forget that all sex is real sex.

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    The good and bad news is that this process of transformation is endless — good because there’s always room for change, and bad because who among us hasn’t been silently screaming for a silver bullet “cure”? What it means for me to be a sexual person in the world is constantly being transformed, not only by illness but also by everything and everyone I meet and read and interact with.

    So if you have any tips from your own sexual journey with chronic illness, please put them in the comments below! I’d love to grow further with you.