1.
If you laugh at a kid's joke that kid will tell the exact same joke at slightly louder volumes 8,000 times in a row.
2.
1-year-old: *screams* Me: *picks her up* 1: *screams louder* Me: *puts her down* 1: *screams louder*
3.
4.
Do you have to go to the bathroom? No You sure? Yes How about now? No Now? No [movie begins] Daddy? FOR CRYING OUT LOUD
5.
best part of working from home is having your 5y/o run in while you're on a conference call and cry "I accidentally peed in the wrong place"
6.
3yo: *follows me into bathroom* Me: "Privacy, please" 3yo: "Oh, right" *closes door* "Now we have privacy, Mommy"
7.
Me: Let's go to the store. 5 yo: Why? M: For food. 5: Why? M: So we can eat. 5: Why? M: To stay alive. 5: Why? M: I have no idea.
8.
Any story told by a 7 year old is technically a nightmare because you don't know when it will end.
9.
I tucked my kids in last night and said, "See you in the morning!" and then we laughed and laughed. Saw them 16 more times before sunrise.
10.
11.
TEXTING 101 ME: Hi College son: ME: How are you? CS: ME: Are you still alive? CS: ... CS: CS: ME: I can cut off your phone CS: Hi Ma love u
12.
My 4 year old spilled water on his bathing suit, so he can't go in the pool until he changes and this is why vodka is a thing.
13.
My kids wanted a karaoke machine for Christmas-little did I know it would be for yelling in the mic "CAN WE HAVE A SNACK" when I'm upstairs.
14.
I'd like to share a joke with you that my 2yo nephew told me. 2yo: Knock knock. Me: Who's there? 2yo: I don't know. *leaves
15.
I'm just a mom, standing in front of my husband, trying to say something that I can no longer remember cause my kid interrupted us 75 times.
16.
17.
1day I'll be thankful my daughter is an independent iron willed human w/an unrelenting strong voice,but not today, not in this grocery store
18.
3YO: "How do babies get out of bellies?" ME: "Look! Ice cream!" *5 min later* 3YO [COVERED IN ICE CREAM]: "How do babies get out of be---"
19.
I took my kids' screens away so we could spend some quality time together and it turns out they are really terrible to be around