1.
coworker: “may the fourth” be with you!! haha me: i often daydream about your demise
2.
I've never wanted to know the answer to anything bad enough to ask a question at the end of a meeting that's running 30 minutes over time.
3.
4.
coworker: OMG wow!!!! it is SO beautiful outside!!!!!! me: [wearing headphones but not listenig to any music] then why did u come inside
5.
[in the carpark after work] Supervisor: bye, David. Have a good weekend Me [giving him the finger]: you're not in charge now
6.
Keep your coworkers on their feet by beginning your next e-mail with "If you're reading this, I'm already dead."
7.
[break room] coworker: what's for lunch? me: [eating] food, generally cw: no, I mean what are you having? me: an unwanted conversation
8.
I like to lightheartedly tell my coworkers, "Don't even talk to me until I've had my coffee!" And then I never get coffee.
9.
Me: I hate this place. Coworker: Go back to school. Get a better job. Do what you love. Me: No I meant Earth.
10.
If a coworker asks to borrow your pen - sniff it and say, “I think this one is safe” and see if they’ll take it from your hand.
11.
12.
I wonder how many consecutive Mondays Todd will respond "not long enough" in regards to how his weekend was. We're at 7.
13.
Please ignore this tweet, I'm pretending to be adding a coworker's phone number.
14.
The problem with teaching a man to fish is that eventually somebody will microwave that fish in the work break room.
15.
[waiting for elevator] Coworker: Hey, how's it go- Me: I'll take the stairs.
16.
Is there a way I can filter out all work emails except the ones telling me there are donuts or cake in the office?
17.
I wonder if my coworkers know I've worn the same outfit every day for 5 months
18.
When your coworker walks out the restroom and you didn't hear the water run
19.
Some coworkers sign emails with "cheers" or "sincerely" followed by their names but I typically use "you've made a powerful enemy today."