Buzz·Posted on 14 Jun 201719 Tweets About Healthy Eating That Are Funny Because They're True"Use cauliflower as a substitute for mashed potatoes, rice, and any joy in your life. You have no friends now, there is only cauliflower."by Remee PatelBuzzFeed StaffLinkFacebookPinterestTwitterMail 1. Common White Girl @commonwhtgirIs me: I'm gonna start eating healthy Also me: treat yourself one last time, you deserve it 08:48 PM - 15 Mar 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 2. Lurkin' Mom @LurkAtHomeMom Me: I feel awful Doctor: Try eating a well balanced diet Me: ehhhh. What else you got 12:17 AM - 13 Jun 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 3. It's Abby. Yep. @abbycohenwl Personal Trainer: No pain, no gain Me: Deal 11:15 PM - 11 Mar 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 4. 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ(s)🎭 @3sunzzz I diet every day until about noon. 01:55 AM - 31 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. Tragic Ally @TragicAllyHere Use cauliflower as a substitute for mashed potatoes, rice, and any joy in your life. You have no friends now, there is only cauliflower. 09:35 PM - 11 Mar 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. eric @ericsshadow "Why can't I lose weight?" he thought, while comfortably laying in bed drinking a cookies n cream milkshake. 03:56 AM - 09 Jun 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 7. Super Randomish @SuperRandomish Drinking wheatgrass juice is a great way to know what being a lawnmower tastes like. 11:30 PM - 20 May 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 8. Elvish Presley @_ElvishPresley_ Why do I feel like shit whenever I eat pizza? Am I not eating enough pizzas 01:16 PM - 10 Jun 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 9. Kardashian Reactions @KardashianHumor me: I'm gonna start eating healthy and exercising *hears bag of chips being opened* me: 11:30 PM - 19 Aug 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 10. Lurkin' Mom @LurkAtHomeMom I long to go back in time and revel in that feeling of desperate optimism that swept over me 6 days ago when I bought this bag of spinach. 11:31 PM - 03 Jun 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. Timmy™ @TheTimmyToes SUNDAY: buys $100 worth of groceries MON: baked salmon with asparagus TUES: hamburgers WED: I'm out of ideas let's order pizza 07:01 PM - 06 Jun 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. SardonicTart♋ @SardonicTart Me: I'm going to start working out tomorrow. Him: You say that every day. Me: Yes but this time I'm not drunk. 10:04 PM - 29 May 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 13. DaddyJew @DaddyJew Doctor: drink 2 cups of water before each meal Me: why? D: it tricks your stomach into thinking its full M: that sounds like a mean trick 05:44 PM - 12 Jun 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 14. Kyle Patrick @kyry5 Me after saying no to mimosas at brunch once 07:33 PM - 12 Mar 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 15. Victoria Sofia @Ideal_Victoria Friend: I'm surprised to see you eating a salad. Me: *empties bag of chocolate chips over it* 08:09 PM - 24 Feb 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 16. demi adejuyigbe @electrolemon AT A WHOLE FOODS: this change begins now. a better diet means a better me. AT A GAS STATION: whats these two slushies taste like... together 04:59 AM - 19 Oct 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 17. Girl On Tapas 💚 @girlontapas 1. Wear Fitbit 2. Pack gym clothes 3. Pack salad 4. Go to work 5. Eat donut 6. Go out for lunch 7. Skip gym Rinse and Repeat. 10:03 AM - 12 Aug 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 18. Khadi Don @KhadiDon When you cheat on your diet. 11:48 PM - 01 Jul 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 19. beth argyropoulos @bourgeoisalien The best thing about working out and eating well is knowing that eventually I'll be dead and won't have to do this anymore 02:22 PM - 01 Sep 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite